Easter Weekend

Easter is one of my favorite holidays. It always has been. AS a kid my mom always went all out and made it really special for us. 
I hope I'm doing the same for mine.
We went to an egg hunt this morning just before it rained.
Obviously the kids loved it.
Tosh can't walk yet and isn't the most fond of the grass so we sat under a tree and watched. 
On friday we dyed 18 eggs on top of the eggs they had died at their grandmas and the eggs from pre school so lets just say I will be eating eggs for the next two weeks straight. 
I've been doing whole 30 again but fell off the wagon this weekend. Monday we'll be back on track and hard boiled eggs are one of my staples so I  guess I'm in business. 
We're off to church in the morning if I can manage to dress and feed all of us. My husband leaves early and plays all the masses Easter morning and every Sunday for that matter so it's always a challenge to haul the 3 on my own but I'm sure I'll manage. 
Happy Easter everyone. 

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A Day in the Park




This little lady takes my breath away. 
Spring is in the air and we are LOVING spending a little time outside. 
Grateful, blessed, loving, cherishing.

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Plum



I feel extremely grateful tonight. 

I started a very, very part time position at {Plum Studio} today. 
I'll be working 2 half days a week.

My sweet friend Heidi (owner + designer) needed a little extra help around the studio and I am so glad she contacted me. 

I got to get dressed today and have a couple hours of adult conversation. WOW. Amazing how such small things can make you feel whole again. I love staying with all 3 of my kids much more than I like being away from them but I have to say a couple of hours a couple days a week is pretty good for the mama soul.

Heidi has built herself a very successful event and wedding planning business. And her studio is a lovely modern oasis right in the heart of Santa Fe. 

Just feeling really blessed to have so many extraordinary opportunities come my way lately. I'm still fully immersed in my Rodan+Fields business which is a joy everyday and doesn't even feel like work and I've got to say this job at {Plum Studio} sure doesn't either. 
That is exciting to think I might be able to make enough income to support my family by working jobs I LOVE. WHAT? I always heard people talking about this stuff but was pretty sure it wouldn't ever apply to me. 

Blessed, blessed, blessed. 

I'm going to be assisting with lots of things at the studio, one of them being social media, so if you  want to see what my new adventure will look like you  an find me and follow us over on 


We will be featuring all kinds of fun and gorgeous ideas for inspiration. I sure would LOVE your support!!!! This community has been so wonderful to me in that way! Thank you for all your support! 

I will eb sure to keep you posted on how this journey unfurled and what kind of excitement it brings. Studio owner Heidi has also offered to host a fabulous giveaway soon too. Don't worry, you won't miss out! 




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If It Doesn't Work Force It




I wanted to write a blog post and really I just can't. It's midnight and I've had insomnia for days now. 
But Little Milton tonight prayed that all the homeless people find somewhere to go and I cried.
You don't expect this. Where did this come from? I don; talk to him about homeless people. I mean not really. If the topic came up sure I might say something but the fact that eh knew and remembered for months probably and then prayed about it astonishes me. How is it that he is such a good soul? I'm not that good so how the heck did he end up like that?

That's really all I want to say tonight because I need to at least go pretend to lye down somewhere. I also just wanted to share my latest chalk board post in my office because, well, It's just perfect and that's all there is too it!!!!!!!! 



Husband's, children, me.....yup.....everyone fits into this one! 

I used to say, " if it doesn't work, force it" 

Well if that isn't the stupidest thing anyone ever could have said I don't know what is. 

The point is that  you will get what has been given to you and you can do anything you like with it. You may choose grace, You may choose a tantrum but in the end your still given the same gifts and the ska challenges so use your coping skills wisely.

good night.



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Who's that lady?



Oh, you must mean the crazy one!!!!!!!! 



It feels like Spring today.
The sun is at it's brightest and its so warm with just a tiny hint of brisk.
Perfect, I guess you'd call it; 
Happy, delightful!

As I sit her at my new little white desk letting the light pour in I don' t feel happy or delightful. 
The past 3 months have been LONG and painful and confusing for me. 

Midlife crisis? 
Probably, how should I know? 

I can't seem to get straight. I do really well with my eating for a while and then I can't anymore. I do really well with my exercise and something throws a wrench in it. 

I go to therapy religiously for 2 months every week and then I never go again. 

This season of my life has been one of the strangest I've known. I've never been this best in all my life. I have LOTS and LOTS of new friends. I have LOTS and LOTS of new commitments. My house is clean and organized for the most part which has never happened in my entire life but I feel like I am drowning CONSTANTLY.

I've never seen less of my husband in all my life. For a solid year or two now I've seen him an hour or two a week. wow. I feel like a single mother. That might be a start to my issues, huh?

I have definitely gotten used to having 3 children at the same time I am now positive I will NEVER be used to it. NO matter what happens someone is upset. I cannot seem to appease them all EVER. I suppose this is normal but very hard to adjust to. 

I've been praying, writing, keeping up with my gratitude, trying to be of service to complete strangers  for no reason and still I am unsettled. 

I cannot get settled. 

So, I cut my hair! 


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on with life and hope

Well
we won't dwell
but I just want to say 
THANK YOU 
to all of you who left such gracious comments on my previous post. 
I am truly grateful to all of you who have thought of me or prayed for me or held me close over the years. Thank you.

Thankfully I am feeling much better.
I have always had my share of emotional issues and sometimes they rear their ugly heads. Yes, heads. I am pretty surely there are quiet a few demos living in my head.
The good news is I usually come out on top eventually.
So, today life is good, very good.
Sometimes I forget about the little things. I hate it when that happens but it does. I'm human and I'm pretty sure that's what human's do. They aren't perfect and they forget really important stuff like the little things.

Gladly, with lots of practice I am given a new chance every single day.
I am given an entire DO OVER every single day.
phew...........what a relief that is just knowing there is ALWAYS another day. 
So, I have been hanging around counting my lucky stars every day, praying in the morning and praying in the evening and making gratitude lists they are going out of style but you know what? I feel better and life is better! 
If I try to do life on my terms it doesn't turn out too good so I am extremely happy I at least know this! 

Things have actually been great. The toddlers have been really enjoying 2 half days of school a week. Tosh has been enjoying a few hours of alone time with mama.
I have been hmmmmmm busy, I guess busy is the best way to sum it up.
I started a bible study. It's very interesting, my first one, EVER.
Yesterday morning I trained 4000 Rodan+Fields consultants live via phone conference. It was fun. 
I've begun really clearing and cleaning my house. 

I will not lie to you. There is a reason I never show you pictures of my house because its a wreck. Not all the time but mostly it's been a wreck in one form or another since I started having babies so I have decided now that I'm not having anymore maybe I should start peeling away the layers of mess. It's not really as bad as hoarders but it's pretty bad.
Anyhow, I'm actually making really good progress an fin general my house has been like clean, clean for a few weeks. Thats a darn miracle with these 3 kids if you ask me.
Otherwise, the kids are all sick and we have laid pretty low this week. 

I'm off to bed with a bowl of chicken soup and a dark chocolate almond milk.

There is hope.


night.


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Tosh

How wonderful is Death,
Death, and his brother Sleep!
One, pale as yonder waning moon
With lips of lurid blue;
The other, rosy as the morn
When throned on ocean’s wave
It blushes o’er the world;
Yet both so passing wonderful!





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My (ehh heemm) Office


No this is not "actually" an office. It's the den slash kids play room slash my work space BUUUUT it's much nicer than it was.

So here you go and no I didn't bother cleaning.


Embroidered hoops from my beautiful friend Nat. Find her shop {HERE}

"free" and "brave" prints from the lovely shop {Blossom and Vine}


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Parenting Lately



In my recent quest for balance I have decided to try Milton and Ginger in a sweet local preschool 2 half days a week. I am hoping that since my husband is gone literally day and night 7 days a week that I will be able to go on a run, prepare a meal or do an errand with only one child in tow and maybe just maybe it will lessen my stress level a bit. 

This week we did 2 trial days where one day I stayed the entire time and the next day I only left them for 2 hours. They did really well actually thank goodness because of course like any overprotective mom I was worried, scared and a bit sad.

To my surprise the kids LOVED it and couldn't wait to go back so I think it's going to to be good for all of us and besides it's only 2 half days a week. 
So this week we will try a full day and see how they do.
I'm still nervous.

Little Milton is still having night terrors so he mainly sleeps on our floor in a little bed most of the time so maintain everyones sanity. I'm just praying this phase ends soon.

Tosh has developed into a little person. He's got a mouthful of teeth, is getting into EVERYTHING and is learning to talk. He turns one in a week. 
I'm starting to feel the "no more babies" pangs pretty badly. I know I have 3 and that's more than enough for us but it's still a hard pill to swallow and probably always would be regardless of how many we had.

Today we're off to do errands. I am making a nice big dinner tonight because tomorrow I'm starting in on another cleanse. I'm ALMOST to the point where I can start marathon/triathalon training again and I am SO EXCITED!!!! 
Really it's my livelihood!!!! 

Have a wonderful Sunday friends! 

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bbb..bb..b.........balance


ok

I don't so New Years resolutions.
They only set me up for failure. It's far too much pressure. I fail on purpose as a self sabotage so  can then beat myself up for it. 
Yeah, not really too fun. 
Luckily I learned pretty early on in life this wasn't my strong suit so when I need to change I just change and I do my best.

buuuuuutttttt........The past couple years I have been seeing some fellow bloggers with this idea of choosing a word for the year. 
Usually the personal waits for the right word to come to them and then tries to live out God's will to fulfill that word to the best of their ability. 

So.............I thought maybe this year I'd try it. As you can see it's almost March and I am JUST NOW coming out with my word. 
Well, lets just say that the word has been in my mind my entire adult life and I have been wrestling with it. Trying to live with it. Trying to live without it. Trying to understand it. Trying to tame it inside myself. Trying desperately to grasp it, any of it, yet I have failed over and over and over again. 
I am SO EXTREME. I am all or nothing all the time and I.AM.TIRED!!!!!!!!!!! 

BALANCE
The absolute greatest struggle of my life! 

Why now? Why this year? 

I don't know. 
All I can tell you is that I feel ready. I mean really really ready to let the demon out of my head and let myself just be happy, relaxed...........BALANCED.


ahhhhhhhh.......just the thought of it gives me the chills. 
Can I do it?

Balance work, kids, wife, housework, exercise, spirituality and relationships?????

Only time will tell but this time I feel REALLY hopeful.

And so...........what have y'all decided on this year? Any words come to you?


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Sunday Coffee Talk



Happy Sunday! 

I know my posts have been few and far between. 
What can I say being a busy mom to 3 is kinda time consuming.

I'll try harder I promise. 

Here's what I's tell you if you were having coffee on a Sunday Afternoon!!! 

Oh........and I promise I'm not sad or depressed I was just trying to be quiet as to not wake the monsters:)



{Read the interview here}
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Finding the Ground


It's amazing the power of the mind. Isn't it?

Two weeks ago I was like a dog chasing my tail, round and round and round I went never getting anywhere; anxiety ridden and a jittery mess. 

Thankfully I'm finding the ground again but for me this does not come easy. There is pretty much consistently a battle going on in my soul. My whole life I've been a little different. I wouldn't say fortune follows me. If I manage to create it, it's a ridiculously painful process which I insist on white knuckling my way through. I don't know how to take care of myself. I am a registered nurse. I am a mother of 3 small children and of course I can care for all of them just fine but my needs are always last to be met. 
I've always been this way.

Self neglect can only go on for so many years before you snap. Well, I snap once or twice a year and then start over slowly, carefully trying to care for myself again. 

I have found something that inevitably helps me not only find the ground but keep my feet firmly planted there and my mind eagerly giving my worries over to God. 

I have to get on my knees. 

I can't pray sitting down, lying down, or standing up. I must be on my knees. There is something about this that forces my mind to engage, get grounded, and connect. 

Today was a long day. 
A good day but a long one. 
Tosh had a 102 fever for three days in a row this week so we didn't leave the house which makes for kids with cabin fever and no groceries. 

Today we did five errands back to back to back. 
I made about eight pounds of organic pears for Tosh when we got home and did the usual cooking, cleaning, and laundry. 
Poor Tosh has been having quiet the battle with his teeth as well. He has TEN already. seriously TEN!!! Poor baby and now the molars are coming so I couldn't even put him down today. So he spent the majority of the day on my back and I did the chores! 

I prayed on my knees and I got grounded.


How was your day?




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