I find myself completely and totally overwhelmed. My father's death coupled with many other situations have left me an emotional wreck.
This was a photo he kept of me in his room. I am so grateful to have it as I only have one other since the loss of our home in hurricane Katrina.
I find myself going in and out of the grieving stages every other minuet. One minuet I'm angry, the next crying and the next totally in denial bouncing through my day like nothing is happening.
I am trying to cope but I fear not doing a very good job.
My father died a month ago.
My parents divorced when I was 4. We never lived with him after that. We did spend holidays and summer's with him only.
His death is affecting me in a much more profound way than I had expected.
Death always has profound effects on families. Unfortunately my sister and I had a huge fight the week my father died and haven't spoken since.
My heart hurts. I am sad. I cry.
My brother died 4 years ago. She is my only sibling left.
I find myself riddled with anger at the loss of my husband's job.
I don't mind working overtime to support us but I see what it has done to my husband's pride and it makes me ANGRY!
The way in which he was let go from his job was not respectable. I do not believe they are admirable people. The owner's of the business took advantage of him, took money out of our pockets, fired him 3 weeks before Christmas, sided with a liar and a cheat and they call themselves good Christians. As you can tell.....I'm FUMING!!!! I can't seem to let it go. I can't let go of what they have done to my family. I need to.
We are facing declaring bankruptcy.
Am I ashamed? Am I afraid?
Of course I am.
That's why I want to talk about it.
We will meet with a lawyer in the next couple weeks so I will probably feel a lot better after that but I am terrified we are going to loose our home.
I just want to be a good mother and example for my children.
I feel like I have let them down.
This year my relationship with God has completely changed.
Growing up I was not baptized and my parentsdid not practice religion. I had probably only been in a church a few times in my life until I met my husband and began to go with him and his family sometimes on special occasions.
My entire adult life my relationship with God was lost.
I didn't even know it existed until I found myself on my knees begging for mercy!
About 4 or 5 years ago that started to change. I started to feel God's presence in my life and realized I could interact with him.
I am so happy that this year my relationship with God has grown leaps and bounds. I find that now a little piece of my God lives within me and I feel warm and protected always. My God is all my own and will never let me down.
I do not consider myself a Christian, a Catholic or a Buddhist but all I know is, I have grown into a profound relationship with MY GOD and I am so grateful.
In my heart I am full of love, joy, inspiration, fire, motivation and contentmentbut I have to fight everyday with all my might to let that shine!
I am a fighter; always have been; always will be.
I will continue to fight!!!
I will continue to LOVE with my whole heart.
I will continue to walk with my doors wide open.
I will continue to be grateful every single day.
I will continue to keep my chin up.
I will continue to find the good in any situation.
I will overcome this: I will endure this.
I will come out on the other side of this.
I am up to running 10 miles on my long runs and have officially registered for my first 1/2 marathon on March 4th in New Orleans.
New Orleans, we're coming home and I know your arms will be open.