Desperation


It's been about 8 week since I have run any significant mileage and I must admit I am getting DESPERATE!!! 

I miss it so much it hurts! I'm totally obsessed. 

All I do is read running blogs, running magazines, marathon books, I've been planning my routes, scouting out new terrain, shopping for gear, signing up for races, planning marathons for next year!!!!! 

I study people on the treadmill at the gym to see what I think their pace is. 

AHHHHHHHH....

I am desperate to run!



I know this all may sound very trivial but I have had to see my shrink twice a month since I stopped running because I am having a harder time dealing with my anxiety and stress load. 

Running for me was my cure for everything. 

I also am terrified I am going to gain weight. It's already been 2 months and if anything I have lost weight but I haven;t been eating all that well and I just have a feeling these workouts I've been doing aren't quiet providing the same results as running. When I'm running, I just don;t worry about what I'm eating. I have what I want in moderation but now I feel like i have to watch it. DISLIKE

All I'm saying is that I want to run so bad it's making me insane!!!! I NEVER want to get injured again. WORST.THING.EVER!!!

Running makes me SO happy!!!!! I miss it SO much!!!


My greatest fear is that I will go back to the doc after a month with this book on and he will say my leg still isn't healed. 

If is is healed i will have NO idea where to begin with my training. I know VERY, VERY slow and cautious but I think I should probably see a physical therapist!


I am glad that I have found rowing and a few other exercises to keep me slightly distracted while I'm injured but I tell you I am REALLY starting to have a hard time!!!

I JUST WANT TO RUN AND RUN AND RUN!!!!!! 


I'm up to 50 military push ups a day!!!! YES!!!!! I still can't do a pull up but I must admit I haven't been trying that hard! 






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19 comments:

fancy nancy said...

Hang in there!! I know having an injury and having to rest is hard. Before you know it you'll be pounding the pavement!! Love the dress!

Kendra said...

While I can relate, and feel your pain, think of all the people in the world that can't even walk. Be GRATEFUL that you can walk, row, elliptical, sci-fit, lift weights, do push-up etc... and be GRATEFUL that you WILL be able to run when this is over. Some people don't have that option.

And also think of the people going through harder physical trials. I am about to have knee surgery. It has been 2 months since I ran any mileage, and it will likely be another 3 before I can start jogging at all.

Normally, I love to read your inspiration and see you persevering, but frankly this post comes across as ungrateful and whiny. I know that's not who you are, you are amazing! But that's how it sounds.... you need a little perspective.

You HAVE lost weight... revel in it! Focus on your goals, not the way to get there. If you have to get there some other way, you still got there.

Susan said...

First off, you look absolutely stunning! I love the belt.
I can't imagine how you feel since I'm not a runner but have heard how addictive the endorphin rush can be.
It will get better friend!! xo

tiarenie said...

Don't worry.. You'll be running before you know it. I love love love that dress! looks great on you!

tiarenie said...

Don't worry.. You'll be running before you know it. I love love love that dress! looks great on you!

Jane Craske said...

Soon enough, enjoy the rowing and don't rip yourself off of healing time C:

Brooklyn Berry said...

I love your motivating posts but please no more braless boob pictures. AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christy said...

Hmmm I disapprove of some people's comments here, but meh...anywho, I feel bad you still can't run but you loved it so much before, imagine how addicted you will be once you're back at it!! Maybe the doc will be able to give you guidance as far as a start up training plan? Maybe we should plan Vegas half, and Phoenix full in January. That should be good time for training. :)

I don't think you're ungrateful. I CAN run and sometimes I still whine about things pertaining, but I'm still grateful at the same time. Everybody has downer moments and shouldn't be chastised over it. When do you go back to the doc?

wildliked.com said...

When I am not able to ride, I feel like I am itching to get out of my skin and feel like climbing up the walls. I totally get where you are coming from; I too used to weigh well over 200 pounds, and when I am not able to be active... well, the former fat girl voice in my head starts to cause some panic. Just remember that 80% of weight-loss comes from diet, not exercise!

As far as the negative comments go from other readers, this is your blog. If they don't like what they are reading, they don't have to read it! This a blog, an outpost of your thoughts and feelings. I try to remember that somewhere, someone is always going to not like what I am doing or what I am saying. As long as I am happy and feel good about myself, I don't let those people get me down!

Amber said...

I hope you heal up soon! Hang in there dear!

Hanna said...

I just want to thank every single one of you actually had something nice and supportive to day on this post!!!! I TRULY appreciate you!!!! xoxoxoxo Hanna

Char said...

I'm with some people on the comments, this is your blog, you say what YOU want and feel :)

You are a rockstar. You have so much motivation and dedication, I know you can do anything you want. You have the drive and when you put your mind to it, you will get it. While the boot has been a set back, everyone goes through that. You will overcome. Slow go when you can start back again, you know that, and you will be running many miles in no time. That is good you found an outlet that you needed, even if it is a shrink. As for the weight, you are smart. You will do fine. Don't lose too much, you look amazing already :)

Much love from this corner :) xoxo

Val said...

You look beautiful and I hope you are up and running soon.

Heather said...

Hanna, you look fabulous, and just keep getting tinier and tinier, not running is certainly not hurting your physique! :) I completely understand the mental health benefits of running, I started running a few months ago when my baby was 6 weeks old. I was really struggling with postpartum depression and I really feel like running saved me. It lifted me up from that dark place and gave me energy and peace of mind I hadn't had in a long time! So I can imagine how hard it would be to stop running for a couple of months. But this will make you a better, smarter runner, and the fitness you've gained in other areas can only help your running, right? Hang in there, lots of people are rooting for you.

LolitaRose said...

i suffer from chronic migraines. it's dumb, because it's one of those things that you can't really see by looking at me. i don't look sick, so people kind of assume it's not really painful, or not a real thing at all. Yeah, there are people worse off than me, but this is my pain. Your broken leg is yours. NO ONE on this earth has the right to minimize someone else's pain. It doesn't matter if it's the momentary fleeting pain of a stubbed toe, or a lifetime of debilitating depression - without having been in your shoes, in your exact circumstances, no one has the right to tell you what you should be feeling, or what you should be grateful for. everyone has the right to their own feelings.
& that dress? it freaking rocks. you're beautiful hanna :)

jmerenberg said...

Hanna - You look great! Not sure who said you needed a bra but all I thought was how bold and confident you are to wear this dress. You look terrific. I have lost 32 pounds since December and you are part of my inspiration. People are jealous and should not say hurtful things to you. We all have our down days and you are absolutely entitled to put what ever you want on your blog!!! I felt the need to blog about one of my miscarriages and that was really a downer of a post. No one commented at all. Not many people read my blog but I felt better writing it and seeing it. You know what is best for you and you should be so proud of yourself. You are an inspiration.

Love,
Joanne

Angie said...

Couldn't agree with Hannah more about when you don't have something nice to say, but hey to each his own right xo. I also found the dress to look great and be in good taste.
Everyone is entitled to get what their troubles are off their chest. Some times they are light weight and other times not.

Dani said...

It frustrates me to hear that someone thinks you need perspective. WHY should you not be able to crave something you love? and miss it when you're not able to do it? I am not sure why this person thinks they can hold you to some godly standard... EVERYONE has down days, and it's not like you're down about a broken nail. You have a broken leg and it is keeping you from doing something you LOVE. Don't let them get you down girlie. You write one of the most positive, uplifting, encouraging blogs I read! Keep doing your thing, and don't feel like if you DO have a bad day, you should have to hide it in fear of a rude comment. Continue being yourself!

Jamie Campbell said...

Like one reader said, you will be running before you know it! You are doing great girl...
and hey, if you need to talk to someone, who cares? that's what they are there for!

:) xo!

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