Today I had one of the best spin classes I've ever had. It was an hour and a half long of pure speed intervals and hill climbs. I haven't had that kind brutal workout in a long time and it felt really good!!!!! 

I came home in a really good mood.

Then my husband told me how much we had in our bank account and I almost threw up. I don't mean to keep bringing this up but I am stressed big time. I have been applying for other jobs that are day positions with higher pay but I am not having good luck and I am getting so frustrated!!!!! I am such a good worker. I don;t know why I am having a hard time! 

I know I have to keep my chin up and keep trying but it's really getting hard. It's like I see my husband's face and my children's faces looking at me , like Mommy what are we going to do? 

I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I don't know what to do. 

We need to change our spending habits even if it's small things like Parmesan cheese. It's too expensive. We can't afford it! My husband and I both are not good at this and I'm scared! 

I need to change my ways. I need to try harder. I guess start doing overtime again! I will make it work. I will make it happen but I am just almost ready to give in and cry! 

I had a reader ask me as a vlog question why I decided to get pregnant while we were in such financial trouble. I know it seems like a very stupid thing to do but I'm 34 and I don't want to risk being a bit older. I know woman have babies all the time over the age of 35 or even 40 but it just wasn't for me and I wanted my kids close together so it was a combination of things that made us decide to have another baby. Yes, everyone keeps telling me, including all my friends, that that wasn't the smartest decision but it is what it is and for us it was the right think to do at the time! This is only a phase. It will get better and in a few years none of this will be even be a concern but for now I'm just struggling!

Sorry for the negative post. You know I hate that but these are my real feelings today and they had to come out! 

 And to be honest I'm scared!!!!!

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Amy said...

Praying for you Hanna!! Love you girl.

Jolene said...

Hanna, there is NEVER the "right" time to have children...remember that I posted a comment on the VLOG that I have 4 going on 7 children? Again, never perfect timing but they are ALL blessings!

As for the finances...Dave.Ramsey, girl...DR! We are debt free, PRAISE GOD, thanks to the wisdom of this man's plan and I highly recommend you get yourselves into FPU (Financial Peace University) but until then I will rifle through our extensive DR library and see what I can mail you...email me or comment here if you want a couple of his wisdom filled books.

Ummm...that's about it. By the way, we are bringing home two children from China and we're fundraising the travel expenses (about $10,000)...all the money to this point has been provided by God and we are so grateful.

melanie said...

praying for your family <3

Melanie Dohojda said...

I have to say I agree with Jolene. If everyone waited to have children when it was the "right" time, no one would ever have children. I also had always said I didn't want to have children after 35, but it took me so long to get pregnant with my third, that I was almost 36 when he arrived. And I would love another if the chance arises. As far as having them close together, that is probably a good idea. Mine are all far apart due to my infertility issues and several miscaraiges, but when number 3 came, it was a big adjustment for me. My youngest at the time was 4.5 and very independent. So if I don't manage to get prego with a fourth within the next year to year and a half, I think I have to accept that I don't get number 4. You will figure out the finances, and then you will have 3 beautiful children to share your life with. Good luck with everything, and you are in my thoughts. BTW, have you started your apron business yet? That might be a way to get some extra income.

Melanie Dohojda said...

P.S. Just because you are lacking in finances, doesn't mean you have any less love to give. Congrats on number 3, I can't wait to read about your journey this time around, as it was so much fun to read about you with Ginger.

Adina said...

I agree with Jolene as well! You are a strong mama and God always provides! Please dont stress at this point you are taking steps to change and thats the start. I think everyone is always gonna be in a position where you could have more money or want more money but at the end of the day being able to love and bring life in the world who cares if you have to eat ramen noodles and grow your own veggies! lol YOU KNOW you will be fine and dont let nonsense of others bring you down! :-))

Hillary said...

Please please please consider Dave Ramsey! My heart aches for y'all!

Lindsay said...

Everything is going to work out...it always does. Praying for you guys. xoxo

Beth Ann said...

mint.com is a great budgeting tool. even has an iPhone app. I'm sure there are lots of ways you can save money if you just sit down together and figure it all out and then commit to it! We did this recently. We got rid of satellite and eat out less. I shop the sale bills when I make my grocery lists. Little things but they add up. Good luck.


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