MARRIAGE...How I make Mine Work


I am by far no expert on marriage but we do have 5 years of marriage under our belts and 10 years together.

When we very first started dating I KNEW I WOULD MARRY THIS MAN. 

Therefore I was VERY, VERY careful with him. I moved across the country to be near him and went to school. We kept separate apartments for 2 whole years despite the desperation to want to move in much earlier. 

I told you, I was VERY CAUTIOUS. I didn't want to ruin my relationship with my future husband by rushing anything. 



I am not most affectionate person on the planet. I am just wired that way but I do try VERY hard to do special things for my husband all the time! I leave him little love notes probably 4 days a week when he's out late at a gig and I know I won't see him or when I'm off to work in the early morning. These little things over the years really add up and remind him I still love him just as much as I always have and more. 

I wrote a post about affection HERE



SHOW YOUR AFFECTION WITH FOOD AND LETTERS


Examples of my little love notes!

Since I love food and I love making fun things. I often will make heart shaped food for him, either muffins, scones or as you can see pizza here. It's just another little fun thing to remind them you love them. 
SHOW IT!

I made this banner one year for Valentine's day dinner and had it hanging over us as we had dinner. 


Now it's hanging over our bed and my son is so cute he always asks, "Mommy, did you put that up because you love Daddy?" 



Pick your battles!!!!!!

I am sure you have heard this SO many times but it is some of the best advice I have ever received. People are made the way they were made and many, many things about them will never , ever change no matter how many times you try so just let them be and move on.

All my husband's not so seemingly attractive traits I have actually come to learn to love.


Be Present:

At the end of each day, if we are both int he same house, even if it's for 5 minuets we connect. Talk about each other's day and what we're happy about, concerned about, ect.......
This is important.
Days, weeks, months can do by and you won't realize it. 
Pretty soon not on y do you not know what your partner is going through but even who your married to. 

MAKE TIME!!!!!!! 


Don't Nag!!!!!

There is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING worse than a nagging wife. I swore the day I got married I would NEVER do this. 

I have seen in my life so many couples that are just miserable because the wife follows the husband around nagging him about every little flipping thing. 

LEAVE.HIM.ALONE.

Men are men and they need their own space and their own time just the same as we do. 

If you need help with something you can sit down and have a civilized conversation about it. You DO NOT NEED TO NAG.

 JUST DON'T DO IT. 

IT IS SO UNATTRACTIVE!!!!!!

NOT TO MENTION ANNOYING. 



Work at it everyday!!!

If you have a fight or an argument in the morning, call mid day and apologize. Be the bigger person. Leave a note saying I',m sorry or work it out as soon as possible. 

Make an effort to say I Love for no reason, hug or kiss even if you don't really feel like it! 

over time it  makes a big difference, especially if you don't yet have kids. 

I would say kids put a pretty GIGANTIC stress on any relationship. It can enhance it too but in  my perception it put way more stress that ease.



Respect Each other:

YOUR MARRIAGE WILL LAST FOREVER IF YOU DO THIS ONE SIMPLE THING!!!!

This is BY FAR the most important thing my husband and I have done since day one of our relationship. My husband had NEVER, NOT ONCE in our entire relationship cursed in my general direction or called me ANY NAME other than the one I was born with. And I have done the same. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS?

When you are in a fight it is so so so so easy to start throwing curse words around or say something like, "you know what? your being a real *bleep*" or "what can't you do the *effing* dishes?" YUCK. DO not talk to each other like this EVER and mean NEVER!!!!!

DO NOT DO IT NO MATTER HOW MAD YOU ARE!!!!!
SIMPLY WALK AWAY UNTIL YOU ARE CALM.

Things like this that are said CAN NEVER BE TAKEN BACK!!! NEVER!!!!
SORRY will never make it better!!!!! NEVER, you will remember that comment for 20 years and it will haunt you! JUST DON'T DO IT!!!! EVER!!!!

You must be kind and respect each other. There is no other way. I believe this may be 70% of the reason people's marriages fall apart. They say things don't mean and can never take them back!!! 




COMMUNICATE:
This is more than just touching base at the end of the day. You need to be open and honest and OFTEN!!! 
If something is bothering you, you need to let your partner know ASAP in a NICE WAY!!!! Otherwise it will built and built and you will end up growing apart and blowing up one day.
This is no fun. It's no fun telling your partner that you need them to do XY&Z but I guarantee it will make for a  much happier marriage. 

Don't keep it inside.
AND FINALLY.........DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION!

The "D" word is actually not  mentioned in our household unless we're discussing someone other that ourselves!! No, I'm not kidding! 

My husband and I are a bit old school I guess you could say but we both agreed LONG before we got married that we would never get divorced. Not unless there were horrible circumstances that cannot be named. But anything short of this, it's simply not an option!!! PERIOD. END. OF. STORY. 

Whenever we get in a really bad fight divorce NEVER even crosses my mind. NEVER. I made a very serious commitment to myself, my husband and God that I would stay with this man until I die and I meant every word of it!!!!! 

SERIOUSLY. I REALLY DID. 

So for me I feel like I don't have to worry because it's simply not an option. NO matter how bad it gets, we will work through it. If we have to go to counseling or get whatever kind of help we need, we'll get it! WE WILL NOT GET DIVORCED! 

I think in relationships where people sign pre nups and all this nonsense they are already thinking about getting divorced and they haven;t even gotten married yet???? I mean do you really want to marry that person?? Just my person opinion. 

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9 comments:

faithspage said...

That was awesome!
I admit, I do nag, but I get it now. Probably is annoying, because I can't stand to hear someone else do it.

Miss Traci said...

<3 this. Thanks for posting it. (and I LOVE your wedding pictures - perfect!)

Emily Baker said...

great words of advice. i definitely admire you for this!!!

Amy said...

Love this!! Excellent advice. Big hugs friend xoxo

Samantha Lynne said...

Omigosh. I love love love your post :)
xoxo
Samantha,

runnergirl said...

Love this post! It's all soooo true! SOunds like you have a great marriage and you are an inspiration to many, I'm sure xx

Hannah said...

LOVE!! And i wholeheartedly agree with EVERYTHING you just said <3 Let's be the generation that shows our children what it means to have a marriage that is a success!!

Heather said...

This is great! I got married at 21 so pretty young. I thought I knew exactly what I was getting into--ha! It's been two years and I will admit that while I'm still SO IN LOVE, it's not as easy and honeymoon-esque as I thought it would be. This is all great advice!

Thanks :)

Kendra said...

It's nice to hear other people who have the same ideals. The hubby and I both discussed before we got married that divorce was not an option. And I always think to myself that life without him would be so much worse than the other. I'm thankful for him but should definitely show it more.

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