A Break

Well folks,
I'm not sure what to say. I have been VERY, VERY sick with this pregnancy. It seems to come and go but when ti comes it's completely debilitating. This morning I practically had to crawl to the kitchen to get my husband for help because I knew he would never come back into the bedroom because he would want to let me sleep but I was weak,dizzy, sick and I needed food and water and I had no way to reach him. It was not fun. Life is just hard right now, really hard and I always wanted to be honest but optimistic and I don't feel that way these days and I don;t want to portrait something that's not me or not true.
So, creating blog posts has been VERY challenging for me. For example I Will start to cook something fabulous and half way through have to go to bed and it never gets done or I will have an outfit all picked out to wear and photograph and it never gets put on.
Or even worse my running clothes will sit on the bathroom counter for 5 days just waiting for a day for me to feel well enough to run. When I do run I feel SOOOOO HEAVY. I mean I literally feel like I am dragging a 50 pound sack of potatoes. IT"S HARD. I never get that runner;s high anymore and I never get that "flying" feeling anymore. BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not sure what I'm saying but I may be slowing down a bit. You never  know with this second trimester, supposed honeymoon period I should be getting a whole bunch of energy so maybe I'll be a racing like Yasso and cooking like Martha. I don't know but what I do  know is that I needed to give you an update because i am seriously struggling to get posts done.
I have also talked openly about depression on my blog and when I got pregnant I stopped taking my medication so my moods are variable at best. I just have no energy, no get up and go, no ambition to do anything.  In fact I would really just like to stay in bed ALL DAY LONG. I can hardly work which is going to be a HUGE problem here pretty quickly. I have managed to get in about 20 miles a week running but that's out of shear FORCE and I mean I have to rip my eye balls out to get out that door. And I have decided to stop that and only go if I really want to. There's always time to run after the baby comes.
I know I will be fine once the baby comes out but that's a long ways away and I'm scared. I'm scared I don't know how I'm going to make it that far. 
I also am having a really hard time with loneliness. I always feel really lonely when I'm pregnant. I feel like no one understands and to be honest 90% of my friends don't because they don't have kids. I don't exactly feel like calling them up while their at the tapas bar or at the beach and sobbing on the phone about my screaming toddlers or non stop vomiting. 
I don't want to bitch or sound ungrateful at all. We planned this third baby and I am and will be so happy once he or she arrives but somehow this is the hardest pregnancy I have had to face yet. With that said I feel very blessed and am very happy to have this little soul no matter what happens.
WE WANTED THIS!!!!  WE PLANNED THIS AND I KNOW I WILL NEVER,  EVER REGRET THIS. 
Because when I'm 50 I'll be free to travel and make money and buy new houses and go to tapas bars and the beach and all that stuff  I'm  missing out on right now but it's a long ways away and sometimes it's hard to See the light. Not to mention we will have THREE magnificent, beautiful children to show for it! 
God is so good.
So, in closing I want to let you know I am going to be taking a break from the blog for now. I am sure you will still see me around commenting on yours but I just don't have it in me right now to juggle this plus my family and my job. It could be a week, it could be a year. I really don't know but I want to thank each and every one of you for reading as long as you have. I poured my heart and soul into this little blog (tears streaming as I type) but honestly it has become more of a burden than a joy and I never wanted that. This was for me, for me to share my life, my feelings, my recipes, my goals, my achievements, my failures and whatever else struck my fancy and for quiet a few months now it has been a big struggle for me. 
I want to thank you for getting to know my family and all the dear, dear friends I have made here who I hope to meet one day. Thank you for all you support in every way you've given it. You've given me a lot and I am eternally grateful! 


Be well my beautiful friends! 




(the giveaway will still be carried out as normal. no worries)
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23 comments:

Adina said...

Feel better! I know its hard pregnant to do anything! Good luck and enjoy the time off :-)

faithspage said...

I'm glad you are doing what you need to do. I for 1, and I know you have many loyal followers will miss your perky posts. But you have to take care of yourself 1st! If momma aint happy, no one is happy.
Hoping for the best for you and your family.

Barry and Rena said...

We'll miss you!! I'm also pregnant so I understand you! Glad you are doing what's best for you and your family but know you will definitely be missed. Feel better and know you are not alone!!!! Whenever you need to reach out, we'll be here waiting to connect :)

tiarenie said...

Hanna I really hope it gets easier for you soon! Ill be waiting for you to come back :) take care of yourself!

stephanie said...

Love you Hanna! Praying for you, that things start getting better. Gonna miss you like cray cray!!! Xo

Elizabeth said...

Wow! I will continue to pray that the Lord gives you grace and stamina to continue to fight the good fight! You are right- it WILL be worth it- it is tough and hard and seems horrible, but you will never regret it!!
Someday you will be 60 and your children will bring their children to come visit you-- most of your friends will still be at the tapas bars and still be ALONE. You are investing in your FUTURE, they are investing in the pleasure of this moment.
I will miss your posts terribly, but bravo to you for protecting yourself from too much 'stuff'. Life is consuming sometimes and it takes wisdom to know how to let some things go and keep after other things.
Have a great break and we will see you again!! :)
best wishes and God bless!

Candice said...

Oh my goodness girl, we understand! Take time off. Relax! I know how hard pregnancies can be...both of mine were brutal. Check out the post below...LOL!! This is one of my favorite blogs and I will be reading whenever you get around to posting!! :)

http://wolfsonsafari.blogspot.com/2011/01/18-weeks.html

melody-mae said...

I pray that you will feel better and get that energy back soon! We all love you Hanna...be blessed my dear.

Lindsay @ Delighted Momma said...

Love you girl!! Take care of yourself and enjoy the break/-even though we will miss you :)

m&msmommy said...

Take care of yourself Hanna! I will be praying for you (and your family). Enjoy the break and I'll look foward to your return, whenever you decide to! :)

A Place to Reside said...

I just so appreciate your authentic blogging voice. Your sincerity encourages me daily. I will truly pray for you and your lovely family during this hard time.

Heather said...

xoxox

-Heather

Marina {Yummy Mummy) said...

Just work on taking care of yourself and your family. The blog can wait. So can running and all that other stuff. I feel like I'm missing out on travel, tapas bars, etc. too... but our babes will be little for such a short time and we can do those things later. xoxox praying for you to feel great physically and emotionally asap. Pregnancy can be SO SO hard, but does get better.

pipersrun.com said...

My first thought was "BUMMER, I love your blog". Then my second thought is "Good for you" and I can completely relate. My blog suffered when I hit my extreme bout of nasuea (weeks 7 - 18. I blogged but not that often as I was mainly sleeping, taking care of my toddler and just getting by.
Put your feet up, be active when you can and do what's right for you.
Don't forget your not alone - even if your close friends aren't pregnant you got some followers who are and can relate, contact me anytime.
Look forward to your return someday.
Take care, Anna @ Piper's Run.

Christy said...

Sorry things are getting overwhelming. Hang in there, this too shall pass. I'll miss your blogging. :]

*hugs*

Susan said...

I was so sorry to read this sweet Hanna. I wish we lived closer so I could sit with you and tell you my nausea stories...there was no way I could get out of bed let alone run or carry on blogging.
Good for you for listening to your body and your heart.
Things will get better. And when you return, I'll still be ready to read! xoxo

Miss Traci said...

I will most definitely miss your posts, but keep in mind you gotta do what's best for you!!! I'm so happy for you to be expanding you little family, and I know you have the strength to get through this speedbump. Wishing you much love and happiness (and my thoughts and prayers are with you too!)

Heather said...

Lots of love to you Hanna!

Jessica Clare said...

Well, despite one above person's above comment, even though I don't have kids yet, (and who knows, we may never), I will not be alone at a tapas bar at 60. What an odd thing to say.
I am still your friend even though I don't have kids, and I can sure understand loneliness. Moreover, I am always here if you want to talk about that loneliness, or screaming toddlers. I so hope you feel better soon friend, but in the meantime, I'm always around. For anyone else reading this, please don't propagate this childless vs. moms crap. It's so unnecessary. Love ya Hanna.

Kel said...

Oh Hanna - I'm sorry things are challenging right now. I don't have any words of wisdom regarding the morning sickness, but I will say I understand how you feel as this pregnancy has been 24/7 sickness the whole time and it's awful! I'm 31 weeks now and I cannot wait to birth this baby and have my body back!!

I hope the second trimester brings relief in every way for you, and remember that your health is vital to baby's so don't stop talking about how you feel and do what you need to get through the day.

Depression is a bitch, but the best thing is being aware of it and taking action the moment you feel something's not right. And it sounds like you're very in tune with your body and mind, so I have no doubt you will be okay. But you can always email me if you ever need a person to vent to! :-)

Take care of yourself and your wonderful family, and come back to this when you feel ready - the best thing about blogging is that it never goes away.

xx

Char said...

I echo what Kel said above me. The important thing is you know you are depressed/have depression. It's not an easy thing, my husband has it and to be the person watching the other is tough too. Hang in there and lean on the people you're close to for support. Sounds like you have quite the "friendship" here of people to reach out to. Please, feel free to email me ANYTIME to chat, vent, cry, laugh, bitch about pregnancy to, etc. You are truly a warm heart and have such spunk and personality, I know we'd get along great if we met :) Try to take care of YOURSELF first, running will come later, cooking will wait, cute outfits can wait. Soak up time with your babies, your husband (when you don't want to rip his head off) and try to enjoy this pregnancy when you don't feel sick. It will get better. Much love & hugs xoxoxoxox

Kristin said...

Oh, Hanna...I'm thinking of you and praying for you. I think of you often and stil will, my friend.

All my love to you...I am still an email away.

XOXO
Kristin

Mindee and Austin said...

i read your blog everytime you post, and i will miss you! i know exactly how you feel and what your going through right now..i am in my first tri and on the couch all day long it seems, its depressing and awful. I hope and pray it get better for you very soon! i know i still have a couple months but im thinkin about ya girl, stay positive no matter how hard it gets! youve done magnificant things in your short life, this will only add to the list! good luck making it to that golden trimester, your awesome!

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