I am sure you have noticed a theme with my pregnancy posts lately or just my mood in general lately,
I'm depressed. I'm lonely, I'm unhappy.
I don't feel like I have anything for myself and I feel bad about myself.
I went from working out and or running 2 hours a day 5 days a week to walking the kids in the stroller a few times a week. HUGE DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!
I was relying on those endorphins and that stress relief for my sanity which I have clearly now lost.
It's not surprising if you think about it.
I stopped working out intensely. I stopping taking my anti depressants medication that I have been on for years because I didn't want to harm the sweet baby and I started eating sugar and bread which I never ate before but I thought for the health of the baby it was necessary.
Think again!!! Time to re-evaluate because excuse my French but I feel like CRAP!
Itis SOOOOO easy to fall into #1 The pregnancy "I can eat whatever I want, I'm eating for two, I'm pregnant trap" and it is just as easy to fall into the "I'm training for a marathon and I run a million miles a week so I can eat whatever I want trap too"
SADLY NEITHER ARE CORRECT OR HEALTHY!!!!!!!!
I've gained 20+ pounds in 18 weeks and I am MISERABLE.
I feel like I can barley move. My body parts actually hurt because they have been stretched so quickly.
I tried to go on a run the other day and literally could NOT even clasp my sports bra. I ran a 10 K 2 weeks ago?????
I was a size 4 when I got pregnant and now who knows probably a size 14. It happened QUICK and I mean QUICK!!!!!!!
I don't think it's too late to reverse it or at least stop it in it's tracks!!!!!
Today I am going to get onto the gym's website and get myself into some spin classes and do some elliptical (my favorite, I joke, I think it's the most boring machine on the face of the earth)
All I know is that I am miserable all of a sudden. I feel really bad about myself. I miss running so bad it hurts inside. Running made me feel on top of the world. It cured everything.
IT WAS MINE. IN FACT IT WAS THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT WAS MINE AND NO ONE COULD TAKE FROM ME.
It made me whole and now I just feel huge and empty.
I KNOW I will loose all the baby weight and probably more after the baby is born because that's just how motivated I am but for right now I need motivation. Somehow pregnancy has taken that from me. The sickness, the nausea, the dizziness, the weight....UGH!!!!!
I don't know where it's gone but it's gone and I feel really lonely and yucky and sad and it really doesn't help to have every Tom, Dick and Harry telling me how fat I am every 5 seconds.
As if I am not aware of it already? It's my body, remember???
SO I hope you will support me in my quest to become a healthier preggo.
Working out as many days as I can, no more sugar (BOOOO HOOOOO....You can hear me crying all the way in China) and not too much bread either (another SOB)
Sometimes reality sucks!
I'll do weekly posts to let you know how it goes but as of today a MAJOR change has begun. Hopefully to a happier and healthier me