Reaching Out

I've written a few posts about loneliness. I feel lonely most of the time. I don't know if it's motherhood or just old age but I used to have a VERY active social life. It has nothing to do with my husband by the way. He is very attentive to me. I am talking about relationships with other woman.

I'd say I used be out with friends 4 -5 nights a week. 
And now I am lucky if see any friend twice a year. I'm not kidding and usually it's because I accidentally run into them in the grocery store or some tragedy has occurred. 

I can be very flaky and hermit like when I want to be. I think my depression gets me into states where I just don't want to talk  or see anyone. I get terrified almost. So it's nobody's fault. I feel like half the time friends do call and try to connect and I am too flipped out to call them back or sometimes we really are just having REALLY busy lives.
I LOVE this quote. I just wish I could live up to it!!!!!

However if you saw me in person or at work I wold be bubbly and as happy as a clam. It's really, really  hard for me to reach out. The few family members that I feel comfortable with unfortunately don't want too much to do with me and my "problems" anymore. I'm too much of a head case I guess. So leaves just my poor husband and few scraggling friends pretty much who I am terrible at reaching out to. 

What to do from here? I have no earthly idea.
I am really enjoying my children and I think that's what these years were made for anyway. It's probably why I have  no social life, plus I choose to train for marathons with my spare time, not spend it out socializing so I suppose that parts on me. I'd choose running over a dinner out ANYDAY folks ANYDAY!!! I really do love it that much. In fact I am already dying to get back out there. Only 4 more months:(

But I think when you have 2 or 3 small babies at home, there just isn't much room to cram anything else in. You know. I can't tell now if I'm using that as an excuse now for not reaching out or if it's the truth but I think it's the truth. 
So for now I'm trying to treasure the moments with the wee ones and know that once they are in grade school even I will be begging for an outing with a friend. 

Mom's out there, what do you think? Do you have a social life AT ALL??? 

you have everything you need / Kal Barteski
Because I have absolutely zero, like I don't even talk on the phone but once a month. But I must say after pondering this post for a week I will proudly admit that I called at least 5 friends. It doesn't mean we actually talked but I tried. 

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LeahJo said...

Girl recently at a team meeting at work we went around the room introducing ourselves and saying something about ourselves. I said, I'm Leah, mom of three and I have no life. No joke. I don't really socialize and even with my family I'm the one that's always reserved. I definitely do feel the same way as you sometimes, especially when through social media I see everyone else out and about. But like you said, these years are to be with our children and making memories with them. It's good to take time for ourselves though, and if running to you is where it's at then keep at it. Awesome for you! I wish I could love running. But to answer your question - no I do not have much of a life either! :)

Christy said...

I'm not a mother and can't relate there, but I have moved a couple times the last year and 1/2 with my husband, to places we knew nobody and had/have no friends. Its an adjustment to feel like you have no friends, but I try focusing on the positive! Lots of time with just Ben, I've also noticed I am not involved with gossip anymore (and I've realized how involved I was), and those two things are awesome. Hang in there! Family is the BEST. And all you need is your man and lil kids...and running. In a couple months you'll feel much better for sure!! Plus, you have us bloggy friends. :]

Melanie Dohojda said...

I completely understand what you are saying. I feel lonely all the time too. I wish I was more outgoing, and could make friends easier. The couple of friends that I do have, are extremely outgoing, and therefore have hundreds of friends, and pretty much no time for me.

I think that kids, and day to day life are part of it. Everyone is so busy these days. But I do wish I had that one special friend that I could hang out with weekly,who would have kids too so that they could all play and be close. Someone to talk to other than my husband. He tries to be a great listener, but there are just some things I don't really want to discuss with him, because I am not always looking for an answer or opinion, sometimes people just need someone to listen.

But you seem to be a very outgoing person, I am sure you will find that person that will help you feel less lonely.

And you are right about the kids, you won't always have those early years, so it is good to cherish them while you have them.

Val said...

Being a busy mom...I feel that women in my life (my friends ) ground me. I truly need them in my life so that I don't forget who I'am. As a mom we can get lose who we are. I totally can relate to everything you are saying and wish we lived closer. =)))

Jovan said...

I deal with the same thing too - except I have no kids/husband! What is my excuse? lol I do have some good friends that I talk to on facebook or email - two are far away and they all have families so they got their own busy lives to deal with. So I have no friends I hang out ever! I recently moved 750 miles from Ohio to Nebraska so now its even worse LOL! I'm not one that can make friends easily for some reason. But I guess I keep hoping someday I will find a good friend or two. So just know, you are not alone! :)

Alesha said...

I can't understand directly, because I'm not a mom. But I know my Mom (she had 6 kids btw) found company from other moms who intentionally would get their kids together for play dates once a month and alternate houses. Then they'd be together too...even if only for an hour. She would also get together with other moms and cook freezer meals. They were having social time and being productive! (There were older daughters who baby sat). But my mom was fairly isolated for awhile. She reached out to older moms she wanted to learn from though and then younger moms who she could bless as well. It does take being proactive. And friendship will look different once you have kids too. But it's still friendship and its still good. I hope you can find some really good friendships soon. Praying for you. <3
Alesha <3

Susan said...

I make sure I do. {otherwise, honestly Hanna, I would go crazy!} I have a pretty big circle of friends, many of whom I've had for years, and luckily, all of them have kids so we're all in the same boat.
I get out for dinner and/or shopping or something like that, about once or twice a month.
I wish you lived closer! I would totally drag you out.


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