Realizations of Pregnancy

Ever since I saw our soon to be baby number 3 on the ultrasound something happened to me.

With ALL of  my pregnancies I never felt particularly attached to the baby until the entire time It was inside me but I had a major realization after that ultrasound. THIS WILL BE MY LAST BABY, MY LAST PREGNANCY. 
Like I've mentioned before, I am the worst guesser of baby sex on the face of the earth. 

I was totally and completely wrong with Milton and with Ginger I didn't even attempt to guess. So this one is no different in that way. I have no clue what the sex is. 

I've heard many mothers say that they always know right away what the sex would be but not me; totally out of touch.

So not only do I not usually feel very unattached while they are inside me, I am always totally and completely SHOCKED to meet them. I always think they will look TOTALLY different when they come out. Both Milton and Ginger upon arrival stunned me with their little personalities and faces. 
I immediately thought................Hmmmmm, who are you? Like I was expecting someone different

Funny Isn't it?

Well, back to my point, After I had the ultra sound last Friday I have felt a greater connection with this baby. AS you know this baby was completely planned. We tried for all of about a month and voila. I am lucky and blessed that I am able to conceive so easily. 

I think because this is my last baby, I am starting to realize that this really is my last pregnancy. Yes, the pregnancy has been less than ideal to say the least; the worst of all three but its finally starting to sink in that this is it, the end, never going to be pregnant again. Oh my gosh.....that's overwhelming and makes me so sad in a way yet we will already be totally overwhelmed with 3. 
A wise woman, one of my patient's at work, told me, "every woman will have one more child than she can handle." 

I liked that A LOT! 

Never again will I feel those butterfly kicks in my belly and even though I know 3 is definitely our limit, It still makes me sad to some degree to know I Will never get to experience this again. The creation of a baby is so amazing, astounding really. I cannot fathom how I could MAKE an entire perfect human inside me; it still blows me away.

So, My feelings are a bit different this time around knowing this is our last. I plan to have my tubes tied ASAP after the baby is Born which I'm sure will bring even more unexpected emotions. 

For now, I am trying to slow down, relax, and enjoy this because it's my last chance. I have been so stressed lately I almost forgot I was  pregnant. Seeing that little face on the ultra sound really woke me up.

I am really exited to meet this little baby and see how they fit into our family. To be very honest, I am pretty nervous too. 3 babies in 3 years is A LOT to handle but I know my husband and I love our children and each other so much we will go through the hard times and come out stronger on the other side. 

That Being said I also know that the jump from 2 to 3 is HUGE! and I thought having two 13 months apart was hard but I have a feeling this is going to just be mind numbly CRAZY madhouse, circus land for a while. I am sure there will be many episodes of me on the floor crying with all three of them in my lap crying too but you know what, that's okay. 

If there is one thing I have learned from being a mother is that your children have the ability to teach you everything. I mean honestly the ability to teach you GREAT, GREAT patience in times you never thought possible. They have taught be how to love  on a MUCH , MUCH larger, deeper scale than I ever knew my heart was capable of loving. They have taught me how to be a better person. 

Because little Milton already is very aware of what is right and wrong he often has to now remind me when I am out of line. Children are amazing. They are wonderful teachers. More wise than we are in so, so many ways. Their little minds can open and experience so much more joy, excitment, wonder and love than we can. We as adults have often become jaded by society, the stress of our jobs, out finances, our weight, whatever it might be, as a culture we are incredibly stressed. Not our children, they are full of nothing but love and wonder. 

Yesterday on our way out the door for our 5 mile walk I said, "oh wait, let me run in and get a few diapers, I'm worried one of might need a change while we're out." I came back with the diapers ready to set out and Milton said to me in a very calming, loving voice, "mommy you don't have to worry." 
He does this often when he knows I am stressed. He amazes me EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

Anyhow I am just a teensy bit scared this time around. If any of you mom's of 3+ kids have advice for, I'm all ears!!!!!! 

Other mom's can you relate to feeling disconnected to your baby while it's still growing inside you? 

I feel like even though they grew inside your belly for 9 months, they are still a perfect stranger, you've never met them so it takes time and that's the fun part.
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stephanie said...

you look gorgeous pregnant!!! xoxo

Jolene said...

Some other mama's of large families and I were talking and wondering "when are we done?"...many of us have never had that "I need to be done after this child" feeling...We just had our 7th child and added 2 from China 5 days before his birth so things here are definitely crazy and I do get overwhelmed but I am still not ready to say "I'm done"...

Anyway, it was a good discussion about when we KNOW we're just done. I'm content for now but definitely want to be pregnant again and we'll always keep our door open to a child who needs a home!

Lindsay said...

I cant imagine what your going thru but you can take on the world girl! Adore you! And you make being pregnant SO stylish :) xoxoxoxoxo

halfdozen said...

Your post gave me goosebumps. I so remember being pregnant with our third and thinking this will be my last. But it wasn't! My body could not have another baby so we decided to adopt a baby. Well that baby ended up being a sibling group of 3. So now we have a happy halfdozen of kids. It is hard work but worth every minute. When they are babies it is physically tiring but when they become teenagers it is mental tiredness. I am a believer that God gives you what you can handle. Enjoy every moment. Cindi

Mami said...

You are sooo pretty Hanna!

Yo Momma Runs said...

Even after they are born, they are still a mystery to me.:) My husband wants to wait until after they are born to name them, and I'm always just as confused about naming them then as I am when they are in the womb. I think they should give us two years to name then. Then we could get it right!:)

oomph. said...

i give parents credit when they have 2+ kids close in age. my kids are 8 years apart, and even then they drive me crazy. pre-teen and a toddler vs two toddlers?? actually, i'm not sure which is more difficult!


Susan Liberatore said...

You do look gorgeous pregnant! Glowing.
And yeah, I didn't feel "connected" until the little monkeys started to keep me up all night. ;) ;o


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