Finding Balance as a Working Mother

 
Ohhhhhhh........The never ending quest to find balance. It has always been my hardest challenge. 

I go to work and come home from the end of my night demolished and then the second I walk in this house my poor babies see me and I see the sadness in their eyes...........wondering where has mommy been? They scream and yell for me saying I need my mommy! 

The guilt and heartache is unbearable sometimes!! 
My marathon training has been keeping my sane but otherwise I have been quiet overwhelmed; working way too much and not spending nearly enough time with my family. 

I keep trying to think of a solution but there doesn't seem to be one for now. So I am trusting that God has a bigger plan for me. That some day soon I will be able to spend more time with my precious babies.

I hear so many stay at home moms complain about such trivial things. 

I don't want a pedicure. I don't want a girls night out. I don't want to go on vacation. I just want more time with my babies. 



Last weekend I cut my hair. I made my hubby cut the back straight across and then I layered it A LOT.......Don't worry I went to beauty school.

So what do you think?

I love it. It feel so much lighter and more stylish. I can grow it out long again when I bored of this but it's been a great change.


Look at these beautiful angels.........My heart aches when I am away from them. 

I love them with everything I have.


I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful husband to care for them. So grateful for that.


We can't live with out our double BOB stroller. We love it.

Me any my girl




Nothing beats a family day......I will gladly give up sleep any day to spend time with my family!!!! 

Love to all of you!!!! 
pleated poppyMomma Go Round 

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Nautical Nirvava

Remember my friend's at {BLUE PLATYPUS}

Well..........guess what they sent me? 
This GORGEOUS nautical inspired T with an amazing neckline. Once again it's soft as butter. I wore it 3 times this week. Oops....don't tell anyone. 

I L*O*V*E it. My new fave T for sure!!!! 

And I am so excited it's warming up enough for some white jeans. Love me some white jeans!!!! 


If you haven't had the chance yet please go visit {BLUE PLATYPUS}. They are a wonderful, unique, indie, clothing company made right here in sunny California and I just adore shop owner Heidi and all her clothes. Honestly, they are becoming my daily wardrobe:) 

T-Shirt: {BLUE PLATYPUS}
Jeans: Joe's Jeans
Wedges: some random italian brand I found at T.J. Maxx
Cuff: {Hayden-Hartnett}( buy one of these. I wear it everyday) 
Handbag: {K.Slade Made}(HIGHLY recommend if you need a new clutch. also obsessed with this!!!) 

On other fronts I am trying REALLY hard to remain positive. I have been job hunting to find something that go in conjunction with my high stress night shift job. I haven't found anything yet but I'm praying.  For the past 2 days I have been taking full on rest from running. I have walked about 3 miles each day but no running. crazy right? I know, I have a marathon in 2 weeks time but I ran too fast and too hard on that half marathon I just did and my shin is VERY ANGRY at me so I must let it heal. Thank goodness I had already done my longest training run for the marathon so I am hoping to just ride it out and be able to make it. I'm going to let it  rest at least 5 days or until I feel no pain at all before I try to run again. I really want to run this marathon and I am so afraid I am not going to be able to.  This injury happened so fast. I needed new shoes, that's how it started, then I ran in the wrong pair of shoes once or twice, and then ran a race fast and hard and boom: full blown injury!!! Not smart my friends. I feel like i am greedy when it comes to running. I always want more. more. more.   Anyhow I am no longer concerned with my time. I just want to run it and finish it.


Momma Go Round

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I've Officially Been Published

I feel like I've officially lost my mind!!!! 

I WAS PUBLISHED
yes......published in a respectible artful blogging magazine! 

HOLY....YOWOZERS.......KAZOWZERS.

You know I always joke about my dream of being on Oprah but I never actually I thought I would EVER get recongnixed for anything. 

The best part about this whole thing is that I haven't cooked in MONTHS because of my marathon training!!!! 



Anyway you can imagine my delight when I opened the mail box to find this! 


Here's the cover!!!! 

And here's my GENEROUS SPREAD!!! 

SIX whole pages all to my little lonesome self!!!! 

A little teary...........I worked so hard to keep my husband and my children happy and sane and my food beautiful. It was a daily battle for years on end. Of course now it's just morphed into marathon training but I am so so so so so honored to be featured in this glorious magazine. 


SPEECHLESS.....is all I can muster. 

 and I would just like to say Thank you universe for recognizing the little people once and a while. We matter too.


The magazine will be out for purchase in a few weeks. You may purchase it {here}. It costs a whopping $16.95.....and I'm worth every penny! JOKE!!!!! 
Don't worry I don't any of the proceeds just a lovely gift certificate to their shop.

Oh and by the way, I know you can't read the writing but it's just snippits from my brutal truth interview which you can read here any day.



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Albuquerque Half Marathon Recap

Albuquerque Half Marathon April 21st, 2012
My Time:  1 hour 57 min.  
Average Pace: 8.55 min/mile

That's a whopping 1 minuet PR for me. I'll take it!!!!!

This was hands down the hardest run mentally I've had in 6 months. Way worse than any of my 18 or 20  miles runs. I'll tell you why! 

Here I am at the start. I met a lovely elderly man around 75 who had run 500 half and full marathons in his lifetime. He was amazing and he said I was the best dressed female there and offered to take my picture!! 

WHAT A SWEETHEART!!!  UMMMMM Hello........Hope he had a wife somewhere!!!!

He even found me after the race to congratulate me. He came in 2nd place for his age division. ASTONISHING! 


I had to take a photo of the start sign because it was pretty hilarious!!!

PO-DUNK much?

Sorry but seriously, it could have been a little more organized. I quickly realized that I am city girl runner. I want 20,000 people to run with corrals to separate the different paces. There were no corrals in this race. 
Right from the get go I had to bob and weave like crazy to get around people. Some of the course was dirt trains but tumble weeds and sand on the sides so passing was NOT fun! 

Mistake #1: 
The cardinal rule.....NEVER GO OUT TOO FAST! 
Yup......I did. I was running 7.57-8.08 for the first few miles. BAD MOVE!!!!!! 


It started out as a beautiful morning but the New Mexico sun can be BRUTAL and I quickly learned that you cannot run at that hour of day without a visor or black paint under your eyes. The glare was miserable. I was H-O-T!!!!


The entire race I just couldn't relax. I had horrible anxiety. I couldn't stop looking down at my garmin to see how far I'd gone and what my pace was, even thought I wasn't trying to PR in this race. I couldn't find my groove,. I couldn't find my rhythm. I was thinking negative thoughts which I never do?????

They DID NOT CLOSE THE ROADS so we were running in heavy traffic. 
Are you kidding me??????? There were so many things going wrong I just couldn't wait for It to be over. 

I decided not to wear my hydration belt because it's a relatively short run. BIG MISTAKE! I did however bring 2 espresso GU gels that I Had to suck down with no water because the water stations were so sparse. I think there were only 3 on the whole course. I was dehydrated by the end with the heat. 

So, around mile 9 I thougth I was going to die. I wanted to stop. I didn't want to run anymore. THIS NEVER happens to me. I mean NEVER!!!! 
Then on mile 10 my ipod broke!!1 I am NOT KIDDING!!!!!!! Just when I needed that loud thumping music to keep me going. I had nothing but my own self gasping for air to listen to.
AHHHHHHH

So to top it off my shin was killing me! 

So, all in all I made it and I actually had 1 minuet PR but man oh man was that a rough race for me. The last 5 miles I had to mentally push really hard. This is the first time that's happened to me since I started training. As soon as I got in the car I cried.

I'm just praying this bad juju shakes off by marathon day because now I'm nervous. 



Anyway, here I am grumpy, grouchy, old, sun burnt, shiny, lady, with another medal to add to the wall at least. 

As soon as I got home I dug into a nice salad and some yogurt. I always feel nauseated after all thoise GU gels and gatorade mixed. So much sugar and nasty flavors mixed. So sometimes I Have a rought time getting a lot of food down right after I race. 


So, that's it on my recap. I have learned a few things about myself.

-I like BIG races......5,000-20,000 is about right, I feed off the energy BIG TIME!
-I like organized races
-I need to really watch myself to not go out to fast
-Wear that dang hydration belt weather I hate it or not because you never know what your going to get or not get
-Try to be in a good mental space before the race starts or it may follow you all the way through. True for me today! 


I will have VLOG #3 coming right up. I now there were a few questions about races and what to expect and I will get much more into it there. 

Hope everyone is having a beautiful weekend!!!! 
bits of splendor monday

Momma Go Round
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Brutal Truth is a Beautiful Thing with Tatina

I have started a little interview process called  "Brutal Truth is a Beautiful Thing."
I'm doing this because I love to get to know the "real" people behind their blogs. I think so many of us are afraid to tell the truth whatever it may be. We want others to like us. We want others to read our blog. We don't want to scare anyone away.

Me included!! 




You can read my itnterview anytime {HERE}  
 
For the first year I never really shared a lot of personal information because I didn't think people wanted to hear it.I posted my recipes and a few cute pics of the kids and that's it. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. Yes, people still want all the fabulous recipes and cute photos but they want to know me. I have gotten the biggest responses from my "on my heart" posts. People want to know you, what makes you you, the person you are. They want to know how you live your life. They don't want a bunch of  nonsense about how fancy your car is and perfect your life is. I think we all want to be able to relate to each other and NONE of us are perfect!!!



What's your greatest Weakness?
I'm a people pleaser and I trust too much. I've had my feelings hurt more than I care to admit thanks to that fact.
What's your greatest strength?
I'm a very determined person. I'm a fighter. I hold on with my teeth before giving up on something. At times not even then.

What has emotionally crippled you in your lifetime?
Relationships.
Both family and love ones.
It's amazing the power and influence one person's presence and attitude ,or lack there of, can have on a young woman.


What has elated you with joy in your lifetime?
Being a mom.
Hands down the biggest joy of my life.
But also, the moment I discovered who I really was as a person. Although it's a continuous lifetime growing experience, the moment I found myself, I felt freedom for the first time in years.

How much have you evolved since your teenage years? Are you a similar person?
I have the same basics, but I'm not the same person.
I'm a much happier and confident version of who I used to be.
Change is part of growth.
I never want to stop growing and molding into a better version of myself.

What's something you don't want to tell us about?
I lost my top at Disney Land.
Twice.
First time it was pretty horrific.
By the second time you kinda start getting used to it, and tell yourself that those peeps who just stared at your boobies will never see you again.
Ooops.

When the world is crashing down on you, where do you go?
To the one who gave it all for me.
God's always been the most consistent being in my life.
He has always had my back, never let me down.
It would be silly to face my giants without Him.
Can I get an Amen!

Do you have any goals? What are they?
Don't even get me started.
I think my biggest goal is to stay home and raise my kiddos. But unfortunately that may be a goal a little too hard to obtain at this point in our lives.
My other big goals include opening a cafe, traveling and eating my way around the world, learning a few more languages, and doing mission work in third world countries.

Can you honestly say you love what you do?
I love being a wife and mommy with all my heart.
As far as my day to day job goes, I have mixed feelings.
Being an RN can be a very rewarding career. However it can also be emotionally draining, and make you feel really bitter. Especially when you give it your all and people are still rude and unappreciative of all your hard work.

Who has been the single most influential person in your lifetime thus far?
My grandparents.
They have taught me how to be a fighter, that I am a strong person, and that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
If it weren't for their love and support, I would be a lot less of a person right now.
Honestly, we are all striving for something, what is your greatest goal in life? I'm not talking about money!
To be a better version of me.
To raise my children the way God would want me to.
To be the best wife for my husband.
For others to see God's love through me.
That would be a privilege.

Name your most defining moment!!!
The day I became a momma.
It hits you like a ton 'o bricks folks.

Are there people in your past that you wish you could make amends with?
Yes. But more for closure sake.
I believe that people who matter and care enough to be in your life, will find a way.
If not, it was not meant to be.

What memory will be forever burned in your mind to the point where you can smell the room and feel the energy?
Ok, ready for this one?
You may wanna skip reading it 'cause sometimes I'm a TMI kinda gal...
When I was delivering my baby girl and my midwife said 'We may have to do an episiotomy.' Even though she was half way out! The head counts as half way, right?
I remember thinking "oh hell no you won't"
Thank goodness I ended up not needing it.
But, uuuu-weeee, talk about a close call, ha?

What movie and/or book speaks to you?
Jane Austin will forever be my favorite writer.
Her books speak volumes about the kind of person she was.
For the time period she lived in, she was taking feminism and courage to a whole new level.
It just goes to show that you will never be unforgettable or change the world by following the crowd.
So go on. Follow your inner different from the inside out.

What is your greatest wish right here and now?
A big plate of chocolate covered strawberries.
Oh, and one more babeh, pweees.




THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 


Miss Tatiana for sharing your story with us. Tatiana and I Have been blogger buds for quite a while now and I adore her and her family. I hope you will pay her a visit over on her lovely {BLOG}


You May read the entire series of "Brutal Truth"

 Interviews {HERE}

Race Day Prep Happening NOW!!!!

I've been hydrating all day and trying to eat. Of course I Have been stressed for one reason or another and have only eaten a Clif bar and a salad so I decided to break out the heavy guns and make some homemade Gnocchi. 

POTATOES + FLOUR + EGG = Best carb loading food EVER!!!!! 


Homemade Gnocci recipe {HERE}.Easiest thing you'll ever make!  Short rib ragu recipe {HERE}. Not the easiest thing you've ever made but worth it. . 


Well, well, well..................look at all this nonsense. All for one little half marathon. I can't wait to see what I need for the full. Lets go down the list,

LIST
1. Aleve.......biggest bottle I could find:)
2. Sunscreen
3. Sunglasses
4. GU Espresso energy gels
5. Tiny pouch to carry mu GU's since the skirt doesn;t have pockets
6. Clif Bars....,my essential runners food. EVERYDAY!!! 
7. SPorts tape to wrap my shin and keep that shin splint in check. 
8. My beloved Mizuno running shoes
9. My beloved compression socks
10. My race bib
11. My timing chip
12. My flouncy, flirty, shortest skirt I could possible find:) Oh and P.S. if your going to wear short and white you better wear underwear if plan to sweat like a pig....just sayin'
11. Cute white singlet to match.
12. White BIC headband to keep my natty dreads out of my face.

THAT'S IT. 

I hope. 

 But I am sure I will forget something!!!!







I'm going to go be giddy with excitement somewhere else now since your probably tired of me. I'll see after the race with the recap!!!! 

Remember this is only a HALF marathon. This is just a fun training run. 

The real deal is in 2 weeks!!!!! YIKES!!!! 


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CHANGE....It's Heavy on My Heart!!!!!



CHANGE!!!! 

It's been brewing for some months now. When I asked my husband, he said 4 months to be exact. 

I'm burning out. I cannot continue to work 4 twelve hour shifts graveyard shifts plus take care of two kids, train for a marathon, run a blog, and keep up with the house. Yes, my  husband is wonderful and does many of the domestic things but I NEED more time with My family. I've needed it for a long time but I can't take it anymore. 

I am considering applying for a position that can go in conjunction with my current job and maybe I can still work overtime but just less at each place. It might really help spread out the stress. 

WHAT ELSE CHANGED?

Well, Have you noticed my "followers" widget is GONE!!! 

YUP! GONE!!!! !

NO MORE FOLLOWER!!!!!

You know even since I started blogging almost 2 years ago that's all I could seem to obsess over and it's not healthy. It hurts my feelings. It hurts my self esteem and I don't want that or need that in my life.

 I feel the need to eliminate ANY negatively from my life. It's too short. My kids are one and two. They will be eighteen and nineteen in one blink and I will be so sad. 

Why in the world would I waste my time worrying about weather people want to read my blog or not. It's not like I get paid to do this. 

I absolutely adore the followers that I do have and I hope you stay forever but if you don't, that's okay to. 


WHAT ELSE?

No more facebook!!!!! 

Don't worry I still will be posting on my Bouffe e Bmabini page just to keep you updated with the blog but not too much personal stuff. I deleted my personal account. 

Once again, I have VERY. VERY. VERY. limited time to spend with my family and do I really need to be obsessively checking my email and my facebook status every 5 seconds while my poor children are vying for my attention????? 

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

It makes me want to cry just thinking about it and we all do it. We don't mean to. It just happens but I'm sick of it. The time with my family is far too valuable to let anything else that is not healhty for me get in the way!!! 

NO MORE FACEBOOK.....and I mean for good!!!! 



I also just want to say that this was not meant to be a negative post in any way. I just wanted to let you know where I was at. I'm busy trying to find work that can allow me more time with my family because that truly in the end is the ONLY thing that matters. 

My running is the most beautiful outlet I have ever found and I hope to teach my kids to run someday too.

 I just want to be good. 
I want to be pure. 
I want to do the right thing. 
I want to do what my heart tells me to do and there are so many obstacles in the way I feel like I am drowning sometimes.



SO SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE!!!! and I will make it change.
 




T-Shirt: {BLUE PLATYPUS}
Jeans: 7 For All Mankind
Shoes: Steve Madden



Three was a FANTASTIC ARTICLE ON E Tells Tales that was similar to  my feelings, except she went ahead and did away with her followers and her comments. SO inspiring!!! 
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