Strength and Defeat



I have struggled with depression forever, possibly even when I was a child, I'm not sure but I became aware of it when I was in my teens and it got progressively worse in my early twenties until I sought help.

As you all know I have been training for a marathon that is supposed to happen in 6 days. 

Last weekend I ran a half marathon "just for fun" and ended up exacerbating the condition. I beat my person record by one minuet but had the worst run I've had in 6 months. BOO!

Well, My shin is healing but I am not positive I will be able to run the marathon. I haven't run at it at all and have been R.I.C.E ing, and taking NSAIDs like nobody's business! So fingers crossed.........BUT..........
 


Like any HUGE life event it comes with high emotions. 

I'm sure any of you that have been married or have a baby know all too well the intensity of the "lead up" to the event and then the infamous "let down." 

Even if everything goes off without a hitch, there is always a sort of let down. Maybe some like to call it the calm after the storm but the storm is what keeps me going and the calm is what brings me down. 

So whether I run that marathon or not, I'm going to be feeling some major blues I think and if I don't run it.........it's going to be much more challenging!!!

Luckily I have a plan. 

I have started to mentally prepare myself for a week now that it's TOTALLY okay if I don't run that marathon. 

I'm not a weak person. There was nothing I could do about it. In fact I'm a smart person as not to injure myself further and prevent myself from running more in the future.

Running, as you all know has become my whole world. 

I think about it all day, I dream about it all night. I can't wait to wake up so I can hit the road. It has saved me!!!! 

MY PLAN:

So I've decided the I will make an executive decision a couple days before the race and if my shin has even the tiniest twinge of pain, I will not run.

I will reschedule myself for another marathon in the coming months. There are a few in my area coming up. 

I will get a membership to a gym and start cross training HARD.

If I can't run this marathon I plan to run the next one stronger and faster.

I plan to have my core in tip top, STRONG shape, as well as my upper body and legs of course. 

I plan to up  my game and take every precaution not to let this injury beat me. 

I just got new shoes but I plan to get a new pair of orthotics too. I have a high arch and over pronate so for me special shoes and orthotics are smart. 

The bottom line is..........I will not let this get me down

I will use this an excuse to train harder. Be more fit. and create new and exciting goals. 

I WILL PREVAIL!!!!

Life is too short my friends to be depressed, to give up. I just won't do it!!! Not this time!!! 

 I am determined to keep running and be a strong, competent runner. I plan to run lots of marathons so if this one doesn't happen, there are millions more just waiting for me.









NEVER GIVE UP 
and don't let the little things get you down!!!!! 

If it was meant to be I'll be running this weekend, if it wasn't I'll be dominating another Marathon soon with better training under my belt!! 

LETS DO THIS!!!!!! 

My amazing husband gave me this ridiculously GORGEOUS fresh water pearl necklace for my 30th birthday. God, I love that man! 





Stay motivated, stay strong and always believe in yourself. You can do ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING you set your mind to! 





bits of splendor monday





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Family Fun



My time with the family is so few and far between that we really try to make every moment count, going on walks, going to the park daily, eating every meal together and doing EXTRA SPECIAL fun things like going to the tiny carnival in the mall parking lot. Yes, too expensive and filled with germs but priceless for the kids wide little eyes. 

This was yesterday after I managed a few hours sleep an hour and a half workout after my night shift. 

SO FUN!!!!!! 

God, I love my family! 



Milton III and Milton IV

Just in case you all didn't know we have 4th generation Milton's here

When I first woke up my beautiful family surprised me with an early birthday gift. A tinsey, tiny iPod that I can run with instead of lugging my gigantic iPhone that doesn't work as a phone or hardly as an iPod either. It's the one who broke in the middle of my half marathon last weekend. BOO!!!  Plus it's HUGE when I have to stuff it in my sports bra and run 20+ miles. 

SO HAPPY!!!! and so grateful for a wonderful family who supports me in all my crazyness!!! 


I even managed to get in an hour and a half workout yesterday. I did 60 minuets on the elliptical which I was not happy about. Somehow once your a runner, nothing else compares. I just couldn't get the workout I wanted. I had it on resistance 8 with variable elevation for an hour and I was pounding that thing like nobody's buisness. I only burned 650 calories and didn't feel like I got a real workout at all. When I run I usually burn 800-2000 calories easy!  
Next time I'll try an elliptical/bike combo or a spin class. 

HAPPY WEEKEND FRIENDS!!!!!

Hope it's beautiful!!! 

bits of splendor monday




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What to wear, Summer Time

SUMMER TIME!!!! 

Nothin' better than a pair of bermuda's and white T! 








T-shirt: Emerson Fry
Bermuda's: Rich and Skinny
Wedges: Cork Ease
Belt: Gap

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Closer

Over the past month something happened.........a really beautiful thing happened.

I was stuck with cupid's arrow all over again!!!! 

I fell deeper in love with my husband which I didn't know was possible after 10 years but it is.
 

All of a sudden I found myself looking at him with incredible adoration......trying to spend every waking moment by his side......wanting to do everything together.




My husband and I were friends for 7 years years before we started dating, dated for 5 years before we got married and have been married for 5 years......that's a lot of years.


So what changed?

simple


watching him with my children.
 
He is patient
He is loving
He is gentle
He is kind

He is everything I would ever want for my precious babies.
He kisses thier boo boo's
Changes their diapers
Tells my daughter how absolutely beautiful she is a millioin times a day
He tells my son how proud he of him he is a million times a day
He teaches them important lessons
He lets them play outside instead of putting them in front of the TV
He makes forts and rolls areound on the ground with them
He is the best father I could have ever asked for
 

My husband lost his job a few weeks before Christmas and has been the primary care taker of our children ever since.
 
  When I watch him with children my love for him grows beyond measure.
I watch his face light up with delight when little Milton learned to spell his name or Ginger says a new word.
 
 




 Suddenly they have become his whole world just like they have been mine all along!!!! This is something you don't fully experience until you are the primary caregiver and I am so grateful he is getting this opportunity.

 
When I watch him with those kids,  I know in my heart he loves them just as much as I do and it makes me the happiest woman in the world.
 


I've never loved anything more than my children in my life and to watch someone else have that same kind of love for them astounds me, amazes me, fills me with joy.

I knew 100% when I married that man that I would be with him until death parted us but I never knew the depths of love that the relationship would take over time.





We are truly partners. Partners as parents, partners in life, partners in every single thing we do and I love that. 
 
 
I love him.
 
BLESSED!!!!!


I want to be close to him,
 I want to talk to him,
listen to his stories,
hear about his day,
hear about his music even if Ihave no idea what he's talking about,
 snuggle with him,
laugh at his jokes,
have more of his babies.





 
I just want to sit and study his face that I have already memorized so well..........just watch him..........look at him....listen to him play with our kids from the other room. 




I miss him when I work........I miss him when I run.........I miss him at night when I go to bed early because I'm too tired to stay up.
 
Having 2 babies 14 months apart is no easy feat. I mean it's rough on all levels including on a relationship. There's no time for yourself, let alone your partner!!!

So now that Ginger is one, things are getting so much easier and I am really enjoying getting to spend a little time with my husband who I love so much. We actually get to watch half a movie together in the evening or just sit and chat after the kids have gone to bed. It's wonderful! 






 I respect him.
 
He is so creative and talented. The passion he has for what he does amazes me. I've never seen anything like it.
 
When I watch him play I get butterflies in my stomach........How could someone be so passionate about something? He amazes me. Just look at him play! 

He's amazing!!!!
 
I am so proud to be his wife! 






I don't know how I got so lucky to have found someone who fits so perfectly into my life and loves our children as much as I do. I ask myself that everyday.
 
What did I do to deserve this? 

And I will never know but I do know I am the most grateful person in the entire world.

 EVERY SINGLE DAY, I am grateful.
 
We don't have much and we struggle beyond believe but I have a husband who loves me with all his heart and mine his.
We support each other in our life goals and we love our children unconditionally. God is so good.
 
I could never ask for anything more
 Thank you 


The outside of one of my husband's friends homes in New Orleans! 
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A Small Reminder in a Big World

A small reminder that will change your life if you can accomplish it. 
Thank You {jessica} for this! 

I am fighting with all my might to stay positive that shin will heal in 7 days and I will be able to complete my full marathon that I have trained so hard for and poured all my heart and soul into. 
Prayers! 

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Ask Me Vlog #3


Hi Folks...........okay, here's the last of the "ask Me" questions..........I'll maybe so another series like this next month cause this was actually really fun!!! Hope you had fun too!!! Have a wonderful Day. I'm off to work for a couple night!!!!! 





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Family Time

I would just like to give a big shout out to  my wonderful husband who has been and cleaning ans taking immaculate care of our children while I'm at world. 
He is so good to Me and I am so lucky! Here's a few family time shots from this week




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Finding Balance as a Working Mother

 
Ohhhhhhh........The never ending quest to find balance. It has always been my hardest challenge. 

I go to work and come home from the end of my night demolished and then the second I walk in this house my poor babies see me and I see the sadness in their eyes...........wondering where has mommy been? They scream and yell for me saying I need my mommy! 

The guilt and heartache is unbearable sometimes!! 
My marathon training has been keeping my sane but otherwise I have been quiet overwhelmed; working way too much and not spending nearly enough time with my family. 

I keep trying to think of a solution but there doesn't seem to be one for now. So I am trusting that God has a bigger plan for me. That some day soon I will be able to spend more time with my precious babies.

I hear so many stay at home moms complain about such trivial things. 

I don't want a pedicure. I don't want a girls night out. I don't want to go on vacation. I just want more time with my babies. 



Last weekend I cut my hair. I made my hubby cut the back straight across and then I layered it A LOT.......Don't worry I went to beauty school.

So what do you think?

I love it. It feel so much lighter and more stylish. I can grow it out long again when I bored of this but it's been a great change.


Look at these beautiful angels.........My heart aches when I am away from them. 

I love them with everything I have.


I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful husband to care for them. So grateful for that.


We can't live with out our double BOB stroller. We love it.

Me any my girl




Nothing beats a family day......I will gladly give up sleep any day to spend time with my family!!!! 

Love to all of you!!!! 
pleated poppyMomma Go Round 

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