The past week has been a HUGE roller coaster of emotions for me!!!!!!!!!
*Financial times worsen.
*I find out I'm pregnant (wonderful news). However, no one really seems to care. I'm trying not to be a drama queen but several close family members did't even say congratulations. ???????
*I miss my family more than ever.
*I feel alone. I thinkI might have one REAL friend.
* I have my 5 year wedding anniversary (wonderful news).
*Pure bliss excitement is shattered to find out my leg is still broken. I cannot run!!!!!
*I still have not found another job although I have been trying desperately.
*It feels like day by day I am sinking a little deeper.
But don't worry. I FIGHT. I ALWAYS FIGHT hard and I will never let life get me so far down I can't get up but my reality right now is hard.
My rock bottom has been MUCH, MUCH worse than this could ever be but it doesn't mean it's not hard!
The face you see is SCARED OUT OF MY MIND FACE!!!!!!!
I know normally I'm so smiley. I don't know what's happening but I always feel better when I talk about it.
Our financial situation has always been tight. My husband lost his job right before Christmas last year and since them I have been the sole provider. It is not enough for a mortgage, all the bills, food and 2 kids. My mother has to pay our mortgage about every 3 months because it's 2 months behind and we're drowning.
I HATE IT!
She has enough problems of her own and I feel like I really let her down as a daughter having to ask for that type of thing.
*We are declaring bankruptcy and have been trying to for 6 months but haven't been able to pay the $1600 fee in full yet.
*We have no cell phones, neither of us and haven't in 8 months. One land line that I can't even work
* We have NO CABLE TV
*We shop at Sam's Club because we have to ( I would much rather support local farmers/growers/markets)
* Lots of times we have to empty the change jar to buy food or diapers.
* We only have one car. It is paid off. It is a 1995, that's 16 years old. It has no front end and breaks down more than a few times a year. WE cannot travel outside of the city with it and when the third baby arrives it won't fit in it! Isn't that interesting?
THAT'S THE REALITY!
I am extremely grateful that we are able to have a roof over our children's heads. I am extremely grateful to have a mother who will help me if it gets REALLY bad. God bless her. I am extremely grateful to even have a job at all and we do have health insurance even though it doesn't pay for much!
I am extremely grateful that my kids always have food but I will tell you what I am scared out of my mind most days. I don't sleep. Everyday I look at the Phone praying another job calls. I am extremely grateful that my children have a parent to raise them rather than some random stranger.
Your probably wondering where do all those cute clothes she wears come from? years and years ago when I had 7 credit cards and got myself into thousands and thousands of dollars of debt that I now cannot pay!. That's where the bulk of all my nice stuff came from.
My kids and my husband pretty much wear only hand me downs or our dear dear family members buy the kids clothes for us. My sister in law Schanda buys almost all of them. God bless her! And my husband's father sends a small check every month to help with groceries too but if I told you how much money I made you'd probably laugh!
I make less than half of what I made as an RN in new York City. It's pretty pathetic.