7 weeks

FEELIN'

Mostly kinda crazy; Crying at the drop of a hat all the time. 

Worrying like there;s no tomorrow and dwelling on it. Definitely go those hormones kicking in big time making me VERY EMOTIONAL. 

I feel bad for my husband. Every 5 seconds, I'm crying about one thing or another. What are we going to to do about this? What are we going to do about that?

Also feelin' kinda sick for the first time ever. Both other pregnancies I never had morning sickness so this new and it sucks!!!! 

I've thrown up at work, had to run from the gym praying I would make it to my car. Most of the time I make it home but it;'s no fun throwing up in public. 

I'm REALLY trying not to let it get me down. I have continued to work out and go to work even though I don't feel like it.

Today. I'm heading to the gym for a 60 min elliptical work out I think with some squats and free weights.

Hmmmm..................Sleep at night isn;t going so well. Sometimes I just get up and blog at night! I am exhausted and could sleep all day but not so much at night. I remember this to be my worst problem with the other 2.

SOOOOO I'm  feelin' REALLY tired. I mean REALLY TIRED!!!!! 

Oh how fast you forget. I am dead tired exhausted by 10 am and could sleep 4 hours and then sleep 4 more at 2pm if you let me. 

JUST PLAIN EXHAUSTED!!!!! 

Luckily, I haven't gained a single ounce and my body looks exactly the same. I get kind of bloated feeling once and a while but no biggie!!!!!!!!!!!!! and what have I been eating?

Giant Veggies Sandwiches, Salads, Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches and Kashi Cereal with unsweetened almond milk.

I am  thinking of hiring a personal trainer now that I am pregnant so I can maximize my abilities so that when that Little rascal pops out I will be good and ready to train start the long train for Boston!!! (I'm actually just dreaming of that as we don;t have the money but a girl can dream)

I'm also considering cross fit? We'll see

I'm really excited to see how this pregnancy compares to the other two since I am so much smaller and in such better shape. 

Entire outfit J Crew


AND ON AN INSPIRATIONAL NOTE:

I just wanted to let all you know that around this time last year I reached my goal weight. Not only did I keep it off but I continued to loose past my goals and sculpted my body. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!

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Broken but not Dead

I feel like over the past few months I have been slowly but surely breaking down. The job, The money, The family stress, my loneliness, my broken bone, the decrease in my ability to preform as an athlete. It;s all been leading up to last  week's total breakdown post. 

Well, my spirit my be damaged, but it is NOT DEAD!! 

IN FACT IT MAY BE ON FIRE!!!!!! 

So Today I ban the fatigue, the nausea, the loneliness, the grouchiness, the negative.

All I know is that I will achieve my goals one tiny step at a time even with a broken leg. 

QUADS OF STEEL HERE I COME. 

Pregnancy is no excuse....it's just a lovely little reminder of why I want to make my life better.

So this morning I woke headed to my usual spin class only to be derailed by road closures and a shut down gym. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So I paid 10 dollars and went the "fancy private club" I didn't think it was worth it AT ALL.

I took the spin class. I was the youngest one there. I definitely felt a few eyes on me and I'm just thinking, you know I'm 7 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child , I'm married and about to declare bankruptcy so I got a lot of baggage if you catch my drift! TAKEN. DON'T LOOK OVER HERE!!!

Mainly men 65+ which is fine. Hey more power to ya. Just not quiet my scene. 

Small, stuffy room, no light. yuck

SO I did 60 min spin class, some free weights, some squats and then I RACED home so I could throw up! TMI. I know sorry but that happens when you follow a pregnant ladies blog. 
Hoping this will subside soon. It's interfering with my workouts.
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Stop....breathe.....refocus

We took a one day Vacation! 

Bank Account Overdrawn and all. Sometimes you just have to get away.

We hopped on the train and went an hour away down to the Hyatt Tamaya Resort courtesy of wonderful Grandma.

                                                            The kids LO*V*E*D the train

Unfortunately I have been feeling really nauseous the past few days. I've thrown up a few times and can't find much of an appetite.

 I am new this. BOTH my other pregnancies were easy, peasy. I was NEVER sick or had any kind of complications. 

So, I wanted to spend most the time in bed.

I did get out to the pool and managed a bike ride even though I was in a foul mood the entire time

I need to apologize to my husband. There is something that happens to me when I get pregnant that I am just awful to be around.

I'M SO     SOORY BABE!!!! only 8 more months:)

The kids had a blast of course

 In love with their Grandma

Daddy totally got in on all the fun

I went on a solo bike ride to avoid having a giant temper tantrum

The Rio Grande

Love cycling in a dress

My conclusion is that I need to just relax........MUST RELAX....................I am stressed to the max. I all ready told you the 50,000 million reasons why and now I need to let it all go. 
For some reason when I am pregnant I often get myself all worked into some kind of huge emotional trench convincing myself I'll never make it out and even though this mini vacation wasn't really that therapeutic. 
Now that I'm home I am able to realize why. I'm also realizing why I have myself would up so tight like I;m going to pop.
I NEED TO JUST LET IT GO. KNOW THAT GOD IS GOOD and none of this is really up to me anyway.
SO I'm going to try my best to just let it be what it's going to be.
Hey, I'll get a better job, we;ll have more money. It will work itself out. It always does! 

By the Way, Thank you so much for ALL the kind, encouraging comments on my last miserable post. I seriously will try not to let it get that bad again! SHEESH! 
I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I will be over here 
BREATHING!!!!!!!!!!
BY THE WAY DO ANY OF THE REST OF YOU TURN INTO HUGE RAGING,  CRAZY,  CRAZY, MISERABLE people when your pregnant???????? 
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REAL Honesty, The Kind I Don't Want to Talk About

The past week has been a HUGE roller coaster of emotions for me!!!!!!!!! 

*Financial times worsen.

*I find out I'm pregnant (wonderful news). However, no one really seems to care. I'm trying not to be a drama queen but several close family members did't even say congratulations. ???????

*I miss my family more than ever.

*I feel alone. I thinkI might have one REAL friend.

* I have my 5 year wedding anniversary (wonderful news).

*Pure bliss excitement is shattered to find out my leg is still broken. I cannot run!!!!!

*I still have not found another job although I have been trying desperately. 

*It feels like day by day I am sinking a little deeper.

But don't worry. I FIGHT. I ALWAYS FIGHT hard and I will never let life get me so far down I can't get up but my reality right now is hard. 

My rock bottom has been MUCH, MUCH worse than this could ever be but it doesn't mean it's  not hard!

The face you see is SCARED OUT OF MY MIND FACE!!!!!!!

I know normally I'm so smiley. I don't know what's happening but I always feel better when I talk about it.

Our financial situation has always been tight. My husband lost his job right before Christmas last year and since them I have been the sole provider. It is not enough for a mortgage, all the bills, food and 2 kids. My mother has to pay our mortgage about every 3 months because it's 2 months behind and we're drowning.

I HATE IT! 

She has enough problems of her own and I feel like I really let her down as a daughter having to ask for that type of thing.

*We are declaring bankruptcy and have been trying to for 6 months but haven't been able to pay the $1600 fee in full yet.

*We have no cell phones, neither of us and haven't in 8 months. One land line that I can't even work

* We have NO CABLE TV

*We shop at Sam's Club because we have to ( I would much rather support local farmers/growers/markets)

* Lots of times we have to empty the change jar to buy food or diapers.

* We only have one car. It is paid off. It is a 1995, that's 16 years old. It has no front end and breaks down more than a few times a year. WE cannot travel outside of the city with it and when the third baby arrives it won't fit in it! Isn't that interesting?

THAT'S THE REALITY! 

I am extremely grateful that we are able to have a roof over our children's heads. I am extremely grateful to have a mother who will  help me if it gets REALLY bad. God bless her. I am extremely grateful to even have a job at all and we do have health insurance even though it doesn't pay for much! 

I am extremely grateful that my kids always have food but I will tell you what I am scared out of my mind most days. I don't sleep. Everyday I look at the Phone praying another job calls. I am extremely grateful that my children have a parent to raise them rather than some random stranger.

Your probably wondering where do all those cute clothes she wears  come from? years and years ago when I had 7 credit cards and got myself into thousands and thousands of dollars of debt that I now cannot pay!. That's where the bulk of all my nice stuff came from.

My kids and my husband pretty much wear only hand me downs or our dear dear family members buy the kids clothes for us. My sister in law Schanda buys almost all of them. God bless her! And my husband's father sends a small check every month to help with groceries too but if I told you  how much money I made you'd probably laugh! 

I make less than half of what I  made as an RN in new York City. It's pretty pathetic.

If I wasn't married and didn't have kids I would run. I would move. That's what I used to do every time things got rough for me. None of us are perfect and we all have our ways of dealing with things and their not always healthy ways!
Santa Barbara 1997Denver 1999Las Vegas 2000Australia 2001Albuquerque 2002New Orleans 2004Santa Fe 2005New York City 2008Santa Fe 2009
SEE THE PATTERN?????????????? I'm not THAT old!


And PLEASE,  PLEASE,  PLEASE, It you do not have anything nice to say to me right now I suggest you don't say anything at all. 
My blog always has been all about compete and total honest truth, no matter what it is and being grateful for what you have. This post is on the darker side but I assure you my friends it's me, just me scared out of my mind. 
I'll be back to normal in no time! Thank you for listening!
For now, I am focusing on that little baby inside me and getting quads like steel beams!!!!!!! 

TODAY'S WORKOUT
1.5 mile run 10 min/mile2 mile walk pushing 30 pounds and carrying 20 pounds5 squats with Ginger on my back. ACK!! almost died6 reps of 15 quad presses at 60 pounds45 minuets on the strairmaster

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Nobody EVER Said Life was Going to be Easy

ANNIVERSARY DINNER

There was a wonderful little place on our honeymoon in Venice that we loved and this was one of the dishes we rely liked. It's jumbo shrimp fried with shoe string zucchini. My husband whipped it up for us last night since it was our anniversary! 

AT 6 this morning I decided to head out to the first track for a little run. I ran 1.5 miles and guess what???

Pretty darn sure my leg is still broken. 

I am so disappointed I want to cry but I won't. I'll be strong. I  am making an appointment with the acupuncturist ASAP and no more running for a few more weeks but I refuse to put that boot back on.

Sad doesn't even really begin to describe the feelings at this point but all I can do is hope and pray and work out every other way possible without hurting it more. 

I need to get my leg muscle back. I need quads of steel to support that poor little tibia!!!! 

I think I'm about to join Cross Fit! 

SERIOUSLY!!!

Well at any rate the squats will be more than abundant and so will the spinning!!!!

SUNRISE!

Have you tried these water bottles?

They are pretty awesome. They hold 20 ounces and rest in your palm. Surprisingly don;t bug at all. I could have run 20  miles it no prob!

Hope your Sunday is wonderful! I'm going to try to keep my little chin up!

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AWESOME Recovery Day

Here I am ready to roll!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Today I decided to up my game a little. I decided to run on the local DIRT track and do a spin class! 

Here's the dirt track. It's only half a mile away from my house and it's really quite nice. I can't wait for track days once I start training for Boston. I'll tear it up on that track!!!! 

I wore my Brooks Cadence shoes for over pronators on the minimal side ad LOVED them! Highly recommend but I bet they wear out fast if your doing high mileage!!!! 

I plan to only use my beloved Mizuno's for long runs!

One mile Done. 

10 min/mile pace. Not bad and I was takin' it REAL easy. I totally could have done a 9 min mile but caution, caution with my little leg. 

Anyway, VERY, VERY happy to be running again!!!!!

Oh my beloved Garmin who I missed dearly!!!!!! CLockin' right on target as usual!!!!!

Well then I had 45 min to kill before my spin class so I decided maybe just a little more mileage on the indoor track at GFCC. 

I did another .75 mile and decided I REALLY don't like in door tracks! 

Way too small, cramped, The curves kept cramping my stride. Won't run there again! 

20 Military push ups in the corner!!!! Even did some free weights and a machine for my quads. 

Gotta get um BIG!!!!!!!!!!! 

Finally time for spin class after some free weights!!!!!! Changing into my clip in shoes!!!!!

My spin class. Everybody gettin' ready!!!!

Well, you remember my spin teacher who looks like Elvis, he was there today and asked how difficult of a class we wanted, Of course like idiots we all chimed in "HARD 10 out of 10". SO I think he tried to kill us. 

We did 35 minuets of steep climb jumps STRAIGHT and then the rest of the time was sprinting!!! No I'm not kidding. Not one single break. 

JUMP. JUMP. JUMP. SPRINT. SPRINT. SPRINT.

OYE VEY!!!!! 

Seriously, just look at me!!!!! 

Ummmmm, SWEAT MUCH???????

Best recovery day so far! I feel like a milllion bucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post workout knosh...........giant veggie sandwhich on oat bread!!!!!!! and some green grapes!!!!!

YUMMERS

what do you like to recover with after your workout?

do you spin???? if not you NEED to because it's AWESOME!!!!!

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