It's Not Too Late to Change

I am sure you have noticed a theme with  my pregnancy posts lately or just my mood in general lately, 
I'm depressed. I'm lonely, I'm unhappy. 
I don't feel like I have anything for myself and I feel bad about myself. 
I went from working out and or running 2 hours a day 5 days a week to walking the kids in the stroller a few times a week. HUGE DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!! 
I was relying on those endorphins and that stress relief for my sanity which I have clearly now lost. It's not surprising if you think about it. 
I stopped working out intensely. I stopping taking my anti depressants medication that I have been on for years because I didn't want to harm the sweet baby and I started eating sugar and bread which I never ate before but I thought for the health of the baby it was necessary. 
Think again!!! Time to re-evaluate because excuse my French but I feel like CRAP!

It is SOOOOO easy to fall into #1 The pregnancy "I can eat whatever I want, I'm eating for two, I'm pregnant trap" and it is just as easy to fall into the "I'm training for a marathon and I run a million miles a week so I can eat whatever I want trap too" 
SADLY NEITHER ARE CORRECT OR HEALTHY!!!!!!!!
I've gained 20+ pounds in 18 weeks and I am MISERABLE.  I feel like I can barley move. My body parts actually hurt because they have been stretched so quickly.
I tried to go on a run the other day and literally could NOT even clasp my sports bra. I ran a 10 K 2 weeks ago?????
I was a size 4 when I got pregnant and now who knows probably a size 14. It happened QUICK and I mean QUICK!!!!!!!
I don't think it's too late to reverse it or at least stop it in it's tracks!!!!! 

Today I am going to get onto the gym's website and get myself into some spin classes and do some elliptical (my favorite, I joke, I think it's the most boring machine on the face of the earth)
All I know is that I am  miserable all of a sudden. I feel really bad about myself. I miss running so bad it hurts inside. Running made me feel on top of the world. It cured everything. 
IT WAS MINE.  IN FACT IT WAS THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT WAS MINE AND NO ONE COULD TAKE FROM ME.
It made me whole and now I just feel huge and empty.

I KNOW I will  loose all the baby weight and probably more after the baby is born because that's just how motivated I am but for right now I need motivation. Somehow pregnancy has taken that from me. The sickness, the nausea, the dizziness, the weight....UGH!!!!!
I don't know where it's gone but it's gone and I feel really lonely and yucky and sad and it really doesn't help to have every Tom, Dick and Harry telling me how fat I  am every 5 seconds.  As if I am not aware of it already? It's my body, remember??? SO I hope you will support me in my quest to become a healthier preggo. 
Working out as many days as I can, no more sugar (BOOOO HOOOOO....You can hear me crying all the way in China) and not too much bread either (another SOB) 
Sometimes reality sucks! 

I'll do weekly posts to let you know how it goes but as of today a MAJOR change has begun. Hopefully to a happier and healthier me

I hope you all have a blessed Sunday!


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Halloween Chevron Cookies

Just an idea for Halloween goodies. I think I will take these to the neighbors. They are simple sugar cookies with royal icing dyed and piped on top. 
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Audubon Society Family Hike

You all know we love our family hikes. 

This week we went to the local Autubon Society. I hadn't been there in years.

Kids loved it!!!! 

Note to self to NEVER wear that shirt while pregnant again. YIKES

I have been missing running really badly, like deep down in my soul, bad. This morning I tried to put on my clothes and I couldn't even get my bra to close AT ALL!!! I wish I was kidding. Then I was like, "who am I kidding, I've gained 20 pounds and I'm pretty big, I'm not going to be able to run and if I can it ill be so slow and so miserable I will probably cry so I decided to forget it.  Suddenly, the fun is over, the eating whatever I want fun is over. I feel big. I feel really yucky. I just want to be able to move again. I have my doctors and my family already starting in on my every two seconds about my weight. I am considering portion control and no sugar which will basically make for a MISERABLE pregnancy but you know what it ends up being miserable anyway with every single person harping on you constantly letting you know just how fat you are. And then they say, "oh just enjoy it honey" Enjoy what? You calling me fat every 5 minuets when actually I happen to growing another human or the fact that I apparently should only be eating carrots and celery for 9 months.  UGH!!!! Rough Day!  Pin It

This Weeks Mish Mash

THIS WEEK   was awesome as far as blog goodies!!!!!!  My wonderful friend Tallia from Braologie sent me a GORGEOUS nude, lace bra just because she's wonderful!!!!! 
Seriously. She's just wonderful and that's all I can say about her. She made my little hormonal day!!! (p.s. it's a good idea to like said Facebook page because she does giveaways on there. just sayin')
THANK YOU BRAOLOGIE.  I am officially in love with your undergarments!!!!  (any of you that won the giveaway please email me and let me know how you like your garments. I'd love to know)
LOOK HOW GORGEOUS!!!!! GAHHHHH!!!

THANK YOU BRAOLOGIE. I HEART YOU!!!!!!!!
On Other New Fronts!!!!!! I was Published in Smarty Had a Party for my Champagne Sparkle High Hat Cupcakes. It's kinda  big deal. They have 17,000 followers. HOLY MOLY!!!! I am honored!!!!!


And Finally I received my case of CorePower that I won from Yo Momma Runs!!!! 
YES!!!!! I am SOOOOOO excited. This is something I will really use and love trying new performance fuel!!!! THANK YOU COREPOWER AND YO MOMMA RUNS!!!!!!

And Lastly.............Our attempt at Halloween decorating around the house I know. I know. it's not the greatest thing in the world but the kids made some of it and they helped me so it is what it is and they had fun which is really the only thing that matters.

So let me go to my bed with my fave reading material. One of my favorite things in the entire world is to get a fresh , new magazine in the mail, the smell, the crisp pages.....Mmmmmmm heaven!!!!!!!

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LOVE. AFFECTION. It's Your Life Line

A few days ago my husband had a very scary episode where we didn't know what was wrong with him. It's not the first time it's happened and I was terrified, mortified, wanted to scream and cry and ask God, "WHY?" Why now? Why him? Why our family? 

But I didn't. 
I function very well under extreme circumstance. I almost never "Loose it". I think I was already wired that way to begin with but my training as a critical care nurse has just reinforced it. 
So I stay extremely calm. I ask slow, calculated questions, I try to piece the puzzle together to get the answer without getting emotional about it.  

But as a wife, I need to emotionally support my husband. He needs love, tenderness, touch. Everyone does, especially when they are scared, terrified, anxiety ridden. 
Growing up I had a very loving family but not necessarily in a touchy way. Sure I gave a hug here and there but not constant, "I love you's" and smothering which is personally  how I treat my kids. 
I don't think wither way is wrong or right. You parent, how you parent but I never want my kids to have one shadow of doubt for a split second that I didn't love them over the moon and back. I am constantly telling them I love you, probably 20 times a day, kissing them, holding them as long as they need or want. I don't want them EVER to question how much I love them because I love them with every ounce I have, every cell in my body, every molecule I am made of was meant for them.

Naturally, in relationships I am not needy. 
I don't need a lot of tenderness or consoling. Whatever the situation might be I take it on head first and solve it alone. 
I don't get emotional, I just get it done. 
I have always been very self sufficient, very independent. I can change my own oil and   4 tires in a blink of an eye.  I take care of my own business. I handle it, no matter how hard it is. Yes, maybe it's a good quality, maybe it's not but what I do know is that I would like to be more affectionate with my husband. 

I love my husband with all my heart. We have been best friends for 17 years and lovers for 10. He is my best friend, I can talk to him about ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING. I know he would NEVER judge me and I am completely comfortable with him in every way. He is my rock, my guy, my buddy, my lover, my everything. I honestly can't imagine a day without him by my side or seeing his shining face. 
But why aren't I more affectionate with him? I don't know. I am not affectionate like that with ANYONE!  I think growing up and in my early teens or twenties I got very guarded, not letting anyone in and I have always had a hard time with affection with significant others. 
However, My children, I smother!!!!! 
My husband deserves more. He deserves to be smothered if he wants to. He deserves to be kissed and hugged all day long, He deserves to have me grab his hand at every outing if he wants me to. 

I know I am not perfect and I am working on it. Over the past few days I have realized the real importance of it. I may not be here forever, He may not be here forever and we only really have this moment right now to let each other know how much we love each other so don't wait. 
Say I love you. Hug, Kiss, Hold Hands. 

SHOW YOUR AFFECTION. SHOW YOUR LOVE. IT MIGHT BE YOUR ONLY CHANCE.
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On Life Lately

My little snuggle bugs...........Sometimes after afternoon naps we all get in my bed and snuggle together and read books. It's my favorite. You can see here Ginger has her lamby pillow and Milton is a power ranger snuggler. 
I love my kids more than anything this world. Sometimes when I have to work my heart  gets so sad. I know it's just a reality but I can't get over it.. I never have been able to. Since day one I have had a VERY strong feeling that I should stay home with these children. 
It kills me.
Isn't family just the best?  I absolutely CANNOT wait to meet baby number 3.

A little iced CLICK for my afternoon pick me up!!!! Have I mentioned how much I love this stuff!!! Thanks CLICK for being so awesome!!!! You fill me up and keep me going! I officially love you!!! Plus is this not the cutest cup ever. It's made of really thick plastic and has a rubber seal around the top so NO LEAKING and a hard plastic straw too! 

Made homemade Gnocchi from scratch.......It's one of my absolute favorites!!!! If you ever need something extremely warm and comforting that tastes like little pillows from heaven, this is your dish.  
You can find my recipe and back story  HERE. The story is pretty cute. You should read it if you never have:)

Oh and this was the Garlic, Pull apart bread that went with it. It'e the first time I've ever made this flavor but it was divine of course. You can find my similar recipe for Cinnamon sugar pull apart bread  HERE

Me................on my way somewhere important! 
Trying to look half way presentable while almost the size of a small house. It's amazing how hard it is for me to look cute while pregnant. 

I am DYING over these boots from JOYFOLIE. I MEAN SERIOUSLY DYING!!!!!! I'm not sure I will make it without them!!!!!  They recently came out with a women's shoe line and this is their first pair of boots for sale this fall. 
Seriously, low heel, comfy, buttons up the side, handmade. I might just die thinking about them!

This may have to be on my list to Santa! GORGEOUS!!!!

Yes, Yes I know I am totally addicted to CLICK but today I decided to put the extra cinnamon whip cream from my pumpkin pies on top and it was a HEAVENLY treat!!!!!! 

Ever since becoming pregnant, I have been wanting to bake  EVERYTHING!!!!!! 
Hence 5 million pies a day!!

THIS WEEK: 
This has been a hard week on me. My best friend in the entire world had some severe family tragedies and my hubby had a few health issues of his own so I have felt very worried, praying almost constantly, not getting too much sleep, and plagued with a lot of anxiety but I am trying to work through it. I can't believe I haven't gotten fired from my job yet as I Have had so many emergencies and sicknesses they honestly they must think I'm an addict or something. Oh well, I can only do what I can do. No more. 
So tonight I have my family here and we are about to sit down for a warm home cooked meal and I am so grateful. Grateful for this moment, this life, This moment RIGHT NOW! 
"If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it" P.S. I am still praying Mizuno will send me a pair of shoes so I have an excuse to run again at least once more before this baby comes out. 


GIVEAWAY................GIVEAWAY!!!!!!!!

OH AND ONE MORE THING.......Remember that Tote Bag I showed off yesterday. Want to win one of your very own?
GO HERE Pin It