Realizations of Pregnancy

Ever since I saw our soon to be baby number 3 on the ultrasound something happened to me.

With ALL of  my pregnancies I never felt particularly attached to the baby until the entire time It was inside me but I had a major realization after that ultrasound. THIS WILL BE MY LAST BABY, MY LAST PREGNANCY. 
Like I've mentioned before, I am the worst guesser of baby sex on the face of the earth. 

I was totally and completely wrong with Milton and with Ginger I didn't even attempt to guess. So this one is no different in that way. I have no clue what the sex is. 

I've heard many mothers say that they always know right away what the sex would be but not me; totally out of touch.

So not only do I not usually feel very unattached while they are inside me, I am always totally and completely SHOCKED to meet them. I always think they will look TOTALLY different when they come out. Both Milton and Ginger upon arrival stunned me with their little personalities and faces. 
I immediately thought................Hmmmmm, who are you? Like I was expecting someone different

Funny Isn't it?

Well, back to my point, After I had the ultra sound last Friday I have felt a greater connection with this baby. AS you know this baby was completely planned. We tried for all of about a month and voila. I am lucky and blessed that I am able to conceive so easily. 

I think because this is my last baby, I am starting to realize that this really is my last pregnancy. Yes, the pregnancy has been less than ideal to say the least; the worst of all three but its finally starting to sink in that this is it, the end, never going to be pregnant again. Oh my gosh.....that's overwhelming and makes me so sad in a way yet we will already be totally overwhelmed with 3. 
A wise woman, one of my patient's at work, told me, "every woman will have one more child than she can handle." 

I liked that A LOT! 

Never again will I feel those butterfly kicks in my belly and even though I know 3 is definitely our limit, It still makes me sad to some degree to know I Will never get to experience this again. The creation of a baby is so amazing, astounding really. I cannot fathom how I could MAKE an entire perfect human inside me; it still blows me away.

So, My feelings are a bit different this time around knowing this is our last. I plan to have my tubes tied ASAP after the baby is Born which I'm sure will bring even more unexpected emotions. 

For now, I am trying to slow down, relax, and enjoy this because it's my last chance. I have been so stressed lately I almost forgot I was  pregnant. Seeing that little face on the ultra sound really woke me up.

I am really exited to meet this little baby and see how they fit into our family. To be very honest, I am pretty nervous too. 3 babies in 3 years is A LOT to handle but I know my husband and I love our children and each other so much we will go through the hard times and come out stronger on the other side. 

That Being said I also know that the jump from 2 to 3 is HUGE! and I thought having two 13 months apart was hard but I have a feeling this is going to just be mind numbly CRAZY madhouse, circus land for a while. I am sure there will be many episodes of me on the floor crying with all three of them in my lap crying too but you know what, that's okay. 

If there is one thing I have learned from being a mother is that your children have the ability to teach you everything. I mean honestly the ability to teach you GREAT, GREAT patience in times you never thought possible. They have taught be how to love  on a MUCH , MUCH larger, deeper scale than I ever knew my heart was capable of loving. They have taught me how to be a better person. 

Because little Milton already is very aware of what is right and wrong he often has to now remind me when I am out of line. Children are amazing. They are wonderful teachers. More wise than we are in so, so many ways. Their little minds can open and experience so much more joy, excitment, wonder and love than we can. We as adults have often become jaded by society, the stress of our jobs, out finances, our weight, whatever it might be, as a culture we are incredibly stressed. Not our children, they are full of nothing but love and wonder. 

Yesterday on our way out the door for our 5 mile walk I said, "oh wait, let me run in and get a few diapers, I'm worried one of might need a change while we're out." I came back with the diapers ready to set out and Milton said to me in a very calming, loving voice, "mommy you don't have to worry." 
He does this often when he knows I am stressed. He amazes me EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

Anyhow I am just a teensy bit scared this time around. If any of you mom's of 3+ kids have advice for, I'm all ears!!!!!! 

Other mom's can you relate to feeling disconnected to your baby while it's still growing inside you? 

I feel like even though they grew inside your belly for 9 months, they are still a perfect stranger, you've never met them so it takes time and that's the fun part.
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Sunday Adventures

This morning the kids were 

Because my husband has found a part time job and is now gone 2 days a week as well as myself, the kids have not yet adjusted to the routine and have been REALLY acting out.

In fact I can barley stand to have them in the house at all. After 30 min of waking up they are both screaming, fighting, tantruming, you name it. Honestly, I'm starting to get a little scared, okay A LOT scared, about how we are going to handle a new born with these two in the terrible toddler phase. I will take any advice from mom's of 3 close in age I can get.


SO the only way to cure this problem is leave the house and distract them. So this morning We went on a 5 mile walk including to a park and 2 separate grocery stores. We were gone for about 2.5 hours. 

Wow, I hadn't realized how out of shape I had gotten. That was a lot for me and I was exhausted when we got home.

They put up these cute little mock street signs on our exercise trail system here in Santa Fe and I think it's so cute.

Anyway, back to my story. The moment we got home I went to pull that cord you see to your left of the gate to open it and it snapped before the gate opened. This is the ONLY way into our house. We have a mini fortress around our house. 

UGH OHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now the only option is to scale this fence on the other side of the house. It appears as if it opens but doesn't because it had a board going across the back of it so you can only open it from the INSIDE of the yard. 

So at 5 months pregnant after walking for 2.5 hours I got to scale this wall and traipse through knee high weds and trees to get around to the gate and fix the cord. 


So then we managed lunch and pretty good naps. Thankfully and then we were off to a special church service being held in the evening.

One of my Supervisors at the Hospital who I love and adore has a son who teaches and works in our church and he is being ordained tonight with a special ceremony so we are going with the kids. 

My hubby is always playing in the band so I am just praying the kids behave as I will have them both on my own and they have not been making it easy lately. 

So this what we wore

We lasted 20 minuets in the actual sermon which I thought was pretty good and spent the rest of the time in the lobby and playing outside. 

So that about wraps it up. I am totally EXHAUSTED and my poor hubby is at the urgent care having MAJOR tooth problems so it's been a LOOOONG day for all of us! 


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More Than Half Way There

I am officially past the half way mark. WOW!!!! As of today I am 
21 weeks!!!! 

How far along? 21 weeks

Baby’s Size: 14 ounces as of yesterday

Weight Gain: No clue. I stopped weighing myself. It wasn't helping my obsession

Bellybutton: in

Stretchmarks: just a million old ones

Maternity Clothes: Yes......I can still wear some non maternity stuff but majority is maternity.

Names: If it's a boy we will name him after my bother, if it's a girl we finally have one name kinda picked out and no I won't tell until he/'she is born.

Gender: Surprise baby........but I will say that yesterday at the Ultra sound I was trying not to look at the screen too much because I was worried I would see something. And of course now I THINK I might know what it is but with my luck it will be the exact opposite so still a surprise baby.

Movement: YUP.........Moving more and more all the time

Sleep: Not too bad. I get at least a few 2 hours stretches a night. I'm grateful.

Symptoms: Some new round ligamnet pains in my lower pelvis and the usual, Nausea and Vomiting come an go along with dizziness and migraines. I'm stating to get pretty tired a lot too. Still praying and hoping this gets better. I would like to be able to go to work every week.

Food Aversions: Naaaaaaaa

Food Cravings: Ice cream with milk dumped over the top.......makes an ice cream slushie

Best Moments this week: Being with my family! 

What I miss: RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

What I am Looking forward to: Halloween and my Milton's 3rd Birthday

Milestones: A healthy baby via ultrasound:) AND I actually managed to clean out 2 whole dresser drawers of MIlton's. It so hard keeping up with the constant clothes rotation when the kids are growing so fast. I am always behind.

Jeans: Joe's Maternity
Sweater: Isabella Oliver
Tank: forever 21 
Shoes: Dansko
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Sweat Pink Laces Giveaway

I'm so honored to have been chosen to be a SWEAT PINK GIRL..............I feel slightly under qualified since I;m 5 months pregnant but my drive will NEVER go away and I still walk 2 miles a day.

Just wait till this rug rat comes out..........I'll be racking up those fast miles like nobodies business. 

Aren't their signature pink shoe laces the cutest thing ever? I LOVE THEM!!!!!! 
So, I thought maybe I would give 2 pairs away and keep the rest for myself.

So if you like to win a pair of pink laces
simply leave me a comment letting me know you want a pair.
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It's an IT!

It's definitely fall here in Santa Fe. I had to scrape ice off the car window yesterday morning on my way to work. 

I know I say this every single week but it is just so hard for me to leave the kids when I work. It's like my heart doesn't start beating again until I walk through that door and get to see them for a few minuets before bed. 

And then the next day after I work we always have a pretty rough time because the kids are confused and a little bit mad at me for leaving them for so many hours. It's hard on me. I wish I could explain to them that I am doing it for them but they don't understand. 

Usually after one day they are fine and back to normal but the first day they are always really needy and clingy and I can't do anything right. 

Poor Babies!!!!

Today we played in the yard for a few hours after their nap. My hubby had a gig out of town so it was just me and the babes tonight. 

They are so big. I can't believe it! 

So I had my anatomy ultra sound today for baby #3 and I am officially 21 weeks pregnant and have a healthy baby that weighs 14 ounces! 

We told the Ultra sound tech right away that we didn't want to know the sex of the baby so she said she wouldn't even look. 
The baby was moving around a lot and kicking me like crazy. We didn't get the greatest pictures but I actually thought it looked kinda cute! 

We brought the kids into see the ultra sound and they both waved and said "hi baby". It was cute. They were thoroughly amused by the whole thing. But little Milton doesn't like the pictures and think they look scary. I don't blame him, they kinda do! 

So we have a 14 ounce clue about the sex and still struggling along trying to come up with names.

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Reaching Out

I've written a few posts about loneliness. I feel lonely most of the time. I don't know if it's motherhood or just old age but I used to have a VERY active social life. It has nothing to do with my husband by the way. He is very attentive to me. I am talking about relationships with other woman.

I'd say I used be out with friends 4 -5 nights a week. 
And now I am lucky if see any friend twice a year. I'm not kidding and usually it's because I accidentally run into them in the grocery store or some tragedy has occurred. 

I can be very flaky and hermit like when I want to be. I think my depression gets me into states where I just don't want to talk  or see anyone. I get terrified almost. So it's nobody's fault. I feel like half the time friends do call and try to connect and I am too flipped out to call them back or sometimes we really are just having REALLY busy lives.
I LOVE this quote. I just wish I could live up to it!!!!!

However if you saw me in person or at work I wold be bubbly and as happy as a clam. It's really, really  hard for me to reach out. The few family members that I feel comfortable with unfortunately don't want too much to do with me and my "problems" anymore. I'm too much of a head case I guess. So leaves just my poor husband and few scraggling friends pretty much who I am terrible at reaching out to. 

What to do from here? I have no earthly idea.
I am really enjoying my children and I think that's what these years were made for anyway. It's probably why I have  no social life, plus I choose to train for marathons with my spare time, not spend it out socializing so I suppose that parts on me. I'd choose running over a dinner out ANYDAY folks ANYDAY!!! I really do love it that much. In fact I am already dying to get back out there. Only 4 more months:(

But I think when you have 2 or 3 small babies at home, there just isn't much room to cram anything else in. You know. I can't tell now if I'm using that as an excuse now for not reaching out or if it's the truth but I think it's the truth. 
So for now I'm trying to treasure the moments with the wee ones and know that once they are in grade school even I will be begging for an outing with a friend. 

Mom's out there, what do you think? Do you have a social life AT ALL??? 

you have everything you need / Kal Barteski
Because I have absolutely zero, like I don't even talk on the phone but once a month. But I must say after pondering this post for a week I will proudly admit that I called at least 5 friends. It doesn't mean we actually talked but I tried. 

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This weeks Mish Mash


Brrrrr.........................It got down right cold this week here at 7000 feet so our daily walks have become regular snuggle sessions. aren't they the cutest?

To go along with that theme I made homemade chicken pot pies which you  know is my specialty. You can find the recipe HERE

Hello flaky deliciousness. Get in my belly. I know the baby loves you

We are still harvesting tomatoes and I had the very unfortunate experience at 3AM while running to the kitchen for a  banana to step on this gigantic half eaten tomato. 

Thank you toddlers for this one!!!

Now I have decided that I want to grow my hair down to my back again so I drenched it from root to tip in organic coconut oil. We'll see how that turns out and if it seems to help condition it at all! I might do ti for 2 days straight with out washing. We'll just see how it goes and if I can handle the grease ball.

Update: I only left it on for one night but slept in it and left it until noon. My hair was considerably softer. I definitely recommend. I'm going to do it once a week! 

You might remember back in the Spring I took a 4 month hiatus from my person facebook page. Then I got back on and got addicted again. Posting a status or a photo and then checking obsessively to see if anyone left a comment. 
I don't know exactly what if is but it's NEGATIVE!!!!!! It is a time suck and I need all the time I can get to be with my precious family.

 It's also a lie. I feel like "some" people post all kinds of stuff that isn't even real just to make their lives seem fantabulous and you know what I'm just not interested in the lie. 

Not to mention I cannot stand the incessant posting about politics. I now where I stand and I really don't care to here 5000 other people's opinions every 4 seconds. 

Go vote and stop preaching about it!

So I did away with it again. 
I still have my Bouffe e Bambini page linked to my husband's account so I can post there but my account is gone! 


Popcorn eating monsters for a wrap up!!!!! 

Well, that's it, I'm off for 2 days of 14 hours on my feet and no pee breaks so hopefully l'll survive!! Wish me luck. I'll choose a CLICK winner after my work week is done. Hope you all have a great couple days!!!! 
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Baked Chalupas

A few weeks a go I was sick as a dog with morning sickness ALL.DAY.LONG and my hubby was gone working but I knew I had to make dinner and i was DREADING it.

I glanced in the fridge and saw some random ingredients and came up with this giant muffin tin recipe.

Don't they look awesome?

You will need:
*1 giant muffin tin
*6 corn tortillas
*about 1/2 cup of canola oil
*1/2  a block of cheddar
*1/2 pound of shredded beef or pork or ground turkey or chicken or beans
*1 medium russet potato finely grated (this may be omitted but it adds a little extra moisture and flavor that I think is wonderful)
*Garnish (lettuce, red onion, tomato, avocado, hot sauce)

Heat over to 350
1. Place meat in a frying pan with the shredded potato and start cooking, I used cumin, cayenne pepper, salt and regular pepper to season
2.Then grate your cheese. 
3.Now brush both sides of your tortillas with oil and place In muffin cups. They will probably break a little, no worries, they will harden and hold their shape when finished.
4.Now fill each cup with just a little sprinkle of cheese for the bottom layer.
5.When the meat is cooked place a generous helping into each cup on top of the cheese
6.Now use the rest of the cheese to top them.
7.No pop them in the oven for 25 -30 min at 350 or until slightly brown and crispy.
8.Serve with whatever garnish you like.

DEFINITE crowd pleaser. My kids ate it and my husband who wasn't even hungry ended up eating 2 they were so good and it was SO easy.

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In the short few months I have know Tallia from Braologie, I think we've become friends. I'm not even sure how we got connected, I suppose she contacted me and I THRILLED to say the least.

You might remember I did a giveaway last month with her GORGEOUS undergarments and my readers were thrilled. I've gotten several emails about how excited everyone has been.

So the other day Tallia, being the sweetheart that she, me a gorgeous nude, lace bra just as a gift because she is lovely and wonderful. And then she asked if maybe my readers and I could Help her out and I thought, "sure we can"

So She is giving away a full workup on one reader, meaning she will analyze photos and send a detailed questionnaire and then send the appropriate garments to help with your posture and over all look. When she did this for me, I was SHOCKED at what a mess I was posture wise. THANK YOU TALLIA for fixing me.

Anyhow, Braologie is a new company and she needs our help with something. So here's what she needs from us.
Braologie is a whole new concept of undergarment. It is meant to be worn on a regular basis to help with a woman's shape and posture. It is NOT meant to be worn like Spanx or whatever other horrible uncomfortable fat sucker that you only wear once a year when you go to your cousin's wedding;.

Braologie is very carefully tailored to your body specifically and meant to be worn daily to improve posture and shape. Trust me, it's VERY comfortable. I LOVE mine and was very surprised. 

So here's the problem words like"shapewear" and "Functional Wear" do not describe the braologie product. These imply something more like lingerie or Spanx that is only worn occasionally. Braologie is mean to be worn everyday. It's a whole new line of products folks and we need a word for it!!!!!!

Tallia's request for help and the giveaway,
"We have always wanted a new "word" that describes our products but have no luck in brainstorming and coming up with this new word. It does not have to end with "wear" but we want to be known as a new category of lingerie that helps improves the posture and contours of the women's body." 

#1. leave a comment with your suggestion for a new word for Braologie products and leave the comment here. You must complete this entry to enter.

#2. Follow Braologie on FACEBOOK and leave me a comment

#3. Follow Bouffe and Bambini on FACEBOOK and leave me a comment

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You might remember last December, a few weeks before Christmas, my husband lost his job. I started working overtime and totally burned myself out in a  matter of 5 months.
The bills were too high. We needed to change something drastic. So we did.

We got rid of our cell phones completely.


Yeah, that's right. It's not even like we have a janky old flip phone and certainly no new iPhone 5. 


We have a land line with an answering machine. When we first got it I had to relearn how to use the darn thing. 

So we have been living cell phone free for almost a year! 

Is that amazing or what??

I tell you what I miss the most is the texting. It made it so easy to meet up for lunch or remind my hubby at the grocery to pick up something extra but now it's good old fashioned, If I'm not home, you will never find me. 

Strangely there is a very nice freedom in it. I will never be bothered again. My kids NEVER see me incessantly texting or chattering on the phone, especially while driving. 
I am a nurse I see what happens to the victims of this first hand but don't deny it, we've all done it a hurry before. 

I see other kids younger than my own with their own iPad's and phone like devises and it makes me kinda sad. They are just glued to the screen, seemingly brain dead. 
Not mine! 
They wouldn't even know one if they saw one. There was a kid at a park with one and of those and of course instead of playing outside at the park he was playing video games on one of those things and my son just looked at him and said, "mommy, what's that boy doing?" 
I found it sad and amusing that my 2 1/2 realized how ridiculous it was and he didn't know what it was. 

So almost a year cell phone free and only one car. It's almost like we're Amish (That's a joke. Please don't take offense) and we're surviving just fine. In fact I don't feel the need to be glued to my phone 24/7. I'm free to be present with my family. It's kind of wonderful actually.


Ever thought about life without a cell phone???? Could you do it?

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